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His Darkness - Chapter 64
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“Right, just a school girl crush. That’s all I am.”
Despite him accepting my words, his tone of voice denies them completely. He appears hurt and I want to reach out and take his hand, tell him the real truth. But I’m frightened.
Terrified of being rejected.
Alex blows out a deep breath, running a hand over his face and into his hair. He drops his eyes to the floor and lets out a slow chuckle.
“Damn, I thought it was real.”
His words are only meant to be loud enough for him but I overhear them. A jolt of pain runs through my chest and I wince, unable to believe I’m hurting him like this.
Is my confession of love a mistake?? I don’t know.
I feel confused and unloved, my walls I spent so long building are shattering quicker than I can blink.
“Alex,” I call out, my voice strained. He holds his hand up, shaking his head once again.
“Don’t, Ariana. Just give me a minute.”
I drop my eyes to the floor, hiding behind my hair and using it as a curtain. The atmosphere between us becoming suffocatingly thick until I can’t handle it anymore. I turn around so I don’t have to look at him and see the pain in his eyes. My legs involuntarily begin to move, steering me out of the woods and back towards the lake.
…**********************…
I clutch a beer in my hand, dangling my legs from the edge above the settled water of the lake. The sun is still out in full force, shining down on me with its warmth. The tingling sensation in my stomach from the alcohol grows, causing me to partially forget my awkward encounter with Alex. That’s all I want to do, forget.
“Hey, can I join you??”
I turn around to find Nikki standing a few feet back, holding a lemonade. She’s wearing a yellow tank top along with a denim distressed mini skirt. Her blonde hair is braided to the side and as always, sunglasses are firmly fixed on her head. I give her a small smile, patting the wood space beside me.
“It’s so pretty here, isn’t it??” Nikki says, gesturing towards the lake. I nod, my head bouncing up and down in agreement.
“It sure is.”
“You shouldn’t be scared of loving someone.” Nikki says suddenly, causing me to turn towards her in surprise.
She gives me a sheepish look –
“I overheard Alex talking to Caleb.”
“Oh, right.” I respond quietly, feeling the back of my throat beginning to dry out.
“I’m not scared.” I add, turning back towards the lake. I close my eyes and breathe deeply, knowing my words are a complete lie. Beside me, Nikki shuffles around uncomfortably.
“Alex has never liked anyone before, I’ve known him for a while and I thought he didn’t date at all.” Nikki mumbles before taking a sip of her drink.
“Yeah,” I murmur, not really in the mood to speak about it. It’s hard for me to express my feelings, especially to someone I just met a few days ago.
I tend to keep the dark thoughts that plague my mind hidden from everyone around me. I constantly live my life surrounded by the walls I’ve built since I was a child. I was hurt beyond belief and the scars and turmoil from my childhood still haven’t left me. I don’t think it ever will.
Loving someone can be terrifying, I realised that when I fell for Alex.
The contestant question I keep asking myself is, do I deserve to be loved??
“You don’t want to talk about it, right??” Nikki says, clearing her throat beside me. I nod my head grimly, pulling my legs into my chest and resting my chin on my knees.
“I kind of just want to be alone.” I say quietly, my eyes wondering over the soft subtle ripples of the water. The sun shines over it, causing it to sparkle like diamonds that drift away in the distance. Nikki doesn’t say anything but stands up, dusting herself off. I hear her begin to walk away from me but she pauses –
“Don’t distance yourself from the ones who bring happiness to you. It’s rare to find.” With her last advice in my mind, she finally walks away, leaving me in peace.
…THE END!!…
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