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Love Flavored Latte - Chapter 13
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Matt had never found it so hard to focus on his barista work, because right at this moment, doubts were consuming his heart and soul. He looked at the door of the shop with longing eyes, as if waiting for a miracle that would never come.
Ever since that incident three weeks ago, Professor Angevine had been avoiding him. Yes, avoid, something he couldn’t imagine his professor would do to him. He was starting to think this was Beatrix’s secret revenge, or simply karma getting to him, for rejecting her with such cold words. Usually, when they saw each other on campus, they would happily chat even if just for a brief moment. And if they couldn’t find a chance to meet up, they would at least exchange a smile in class as a mean to greet one another. But right now, it was as if they had never met each other in the first place, like the other man had never walked into the shop that day, like they were never student and professor.
Professor Angevine hadn’t frequented this place in a very long while, but Matt could let it slide because everyone could get occupied with work sometimes. However, it started to become a bit too much when his professor tried not to look at him as if his TA wasn’t staring at him all the time to catch his attention. Matt was fighting against his shy self just to be noticed, and what did he get in return? His professor continuing to ignore him.
What the heck did I do wrong?
His thought was indeed a little too aggressive, but he couldn’t really stay calm and see this situation as nothing. If it had been with other professors, he would have considered their distance normal. But it was Professor Ray Angevine he was thinking about. They had together created a close and deep bond between them, and never had he shared such a bond with a teacher before.
Throughout his life as a student, he only saw teachers as people he should respect, even if they weren’t really someone with good lectures to begin with. But this professor, he was special, he was more than that. He was someone Matt loved more than a student should, someone he craved romantic affection from. When he was with that collected man, his heart beat fast and his face reddened madly. If it hadn’t been for his instincts holding him back, he would have thrown away his discipline and yelled the love word right there and then. So now, being ignored by that very same man pained him to every inch of his being.
The sound of the door pulled him out of his thoughts, a smile immdiately working its way up to his face even though it was more difficult than usual. He thanked that customer greatly for keeping him occupied with an order of two cups of latte.
Nostalgia flooded to him at the mention of latte. Oh how he wished he could have gone back to that day and see a certain young brunet walk in, not caring what other role the said man had in his life. He wished he could have had the power to reset time and not agree to meet up with his professor that day, the day which was the cause of these past lonely weeks. After giving his customer his drinks and receiving the payment, Matt went back to checking on the ingredients and looking around the shop, trying to steer his attention away from the negative thoughts. Well, at least that was what he had intended to do until he heard that customer talking to someone else.
“Professor Angevine, why are you standing so far away?”
Like a cat’s fast reflexes sensing danger, his head whipped to that boy’s direction and found himself frozen on the spot. Outside the shop, there that professor was, standing somewhere that an employee could barely see him from their point of view. But Matt’s sharp eyes had quickly spotted him, and he watched the way the customer walk over to his beloved professor, giving him one of the cups he had just bought.
Matt’s face was of a person who just realized they had been replaced.
Oh, so that’s how you want to go? He couldn’t control his boiling blood anymore. He tightly gripped the empty cup he was checking without knowing it, his eyes blank, hurt and furious. He didn’t even care that he was acting nothing like a friendly barista like he was supposed to. He went out of his way and betrayed his own self, his own personality, just to see the man he loved going with someone else who just stole his position. He internally shouted, angrily asking what made him in the wrong for Professor Angevine to be that way.
This had been hurting his head for a while, but today, the frustration had reached its peak.
…__________…
Two can play that game, professor. Two can play that game.
Matt said the words in his head as he picked up his stuff and got ready to leave the classroom. Before, he would have come up to his professor and tried to talk to him. But after so many times of seeing the man in question running away, he didn’t bother trying anymore. Like he had said, he could do the same to him, and he had been doing so. He took his things, left with his friends and did his best to ignore the professor standing at the podium. Before he knew it, it had been more than two weeks since that cycle began.
He wasn’t fishing for apologies. He was just trying to find out what was wrong and what mistakes he had made. So it irritated him to no end when Professor Angevine refused to give him an explanation. His professor didn’t even have any courage to look at him in the face and, unbelievably, had to ask another guy to buy a latte from him.
He thought today’s lecture would just sadly end like usual, but then, there was a strange feeling holding him in place when he was about to walk through the doors. It was an invisible force, but it was undeniably strong, forcing him to turn his head back. He shook his head, his feet beginning to move when he realized that they had been tied back by that same mysterious force. His mind had an intense battle with it, both of them fighting with their best abilities to win his instincts over. It was a process of a few seconds, yet it felt like eternities. He didn’t want to give in to the curiosity, so his mind tried its best to push the urge away. But it was unfortunately tired, tired from the questions and doubts preoccupying his head.
“Matt? Where are you going?”
Chloe asked when she saw Matt going back inside, his steps slow and unsure. Even if he had heard her, he wouldn’t have had an answer because he didn’t know where he was heading either. He wasn’t even aware that his legs were moving. The strange force had claimed victory, so his mind was just following its order. He soon found himself standing in front of the podium. His professor was not present at this moment since he had quickly gotten out of the room like usual, but probably due to his hurriedness, he had left behind a folder.
“What is it, Matt?” Ethan peered from behind his head. Matt didn’t answer and silently stared at the object instead, his eyes focusing on the name on it.
“It has our professor’s name on it, so he must’ve left it here accidentally.” Eve briefly examined it. “We should return it to him. It looks important.”
“How about you do it, Matty?” Chloe jokingly said with a grin on her face as she elbowed him playfully. “You’re his favorite, after all.”
I don’t know if things can stay that way, Matt internally replied to her, his eyes gazing absentmindedly at the folder in his hands. To his surprise, he was actually thinking about handing it back to Professor Angevine himself. At first, he didn’t want to, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized this could be the one and only chance for them to resolve things. This was the chance for them to talk this through.
He had used to blame Beatrix until now. Even though she was part of the reason this mess was created, the main fault still fell onto him. He shouldn’t be wondering why his professor wasn’t brave enough to tell him the truth. He should instead wonder why he himself wasn’t brave enough to confront him. He was the one who said he was in love with a different girl after all, so he ought to be the one responsible for fixing this relationship of theirs that was on the verge of crumbling apart.
But speaking of that rejection, he was still confused about why Professor Angevine acted that way. Anyone would find it unreasonable, really. At most, a teacher who witnessed that sight would just ask what had happened and why the girl was crying. His reaction was nowhere near expected from a university professor-his whole body was shaking rapidly and his eyes held the look of disbelief. Matt was sure it had nothing to do with Beatrix, since his professor surely didn’t look like he cared about the fact that she was crying while running away. So that left only one possibility that his breakdown was caused by what Matt had said at the end.
“I already have another girl in my heart,” what did this sentence have to make his professor so in shock?
“I already have another girl in my heart”…
Matt’s eyes widened as his heart skipped a beat. He wasn’t really thinking outside the box all this time, which meant he was only using the other man’s academic role to try to figure out what was going on in his mind. If he no longer took that role into account, it must have been because…
Because…
Matt thought for a few seconds before smiling in pain.
Really now, Matt laughed sarcastically at himself on the inside or having such a stupid thought. He was dissapointed in himself for considering something impossible, something so outrageous that it was out of this world.
Returned affection and feelings from his own professor? Who was he, a dreaming child who believed in fairy tales? That possibility, in no way, had a chance to exist. Sure, he had imagined that scenario, but imagination wasn’t the same as reality. There was a firm wall separating those definitions. Imagination is something in your head, while reality is something right in front of your eyes. He now saw himself as a pathetic guy thanks to that hopeless theory.
Well, at least thinking about it helps kill time. It was fun, he thought as he stepped out of the bus, looking at the familiar house from afar. He had planned to return the folder at his professor’s next class until he decided against it. He didn’t like coming to his professor’s house out of the blue, but in order to talk privately about this whole thing, he needed a place where they could be alone, and the university wasn’t one of them.
A few seconds after he rang the doorbell, he was greeted by his professor, but he felt like the other man didn’t have his usual energy. There was a gloomy air around him, his shoulders were slumped and his hair didn’t look neat. Even those pretty eyes had lost their spark, a sad and downcast look visible in them. And upon closer inspection, were they bags under those eyes? They weren’t that dark yet, but it was undeniable that they were there. Matt felt his guilt twisting his heart in the most painful way possible. Just in a minute of carelessness, he had gotten the man he loved into this state.
“Hello, what-” Professor Angevine spoke with quiet voice before he cut himself off. “Matthew? Wh-What are you doing here?”
Matt didn’t realize that he missed hearing his name from him until now, even though it didn’t feel the same. Taking in a deep breath, he gathered his courage and decided that this was it. “I’m sorry for coming so suddenly, but I want to return this to you. You forgot it in the classroom the other day.”
Staring at the folder, his professor sighed, though Matt couldn’t tell if it was out of relief or disappointment. Professor Angevine weakly took the said object from his hand before mumbling.
“Thank you, Matthew. I really appreciate it. Sorry for having to bother you like this.”
A goodbye following after indicated that the professor had nothing more to say, and he went to close the door before he was abruptly stopped. Matt didn’t know what had just gone through his head, he just knew that he had to act right there and then. He had to do something, anything at all, and his mind ended up telling him to hold his professor’s hand.
“Professor, wait!” he said without a second thought. “Don’t, Don’t ignore me anymore!”
Professor Angevine’s tired eyes widened.
“Please hear me out,” Matt continued, wondering where this bravery was coming from, though he wasn’t complaining. “I’m not asking you to apologize, but I want to know why you’re acting like this.
“It’s been over a month but I still can’t understand why you’re suddenly so cold towards me. Did I do something wrong? Did I upset you in any way? Please, just tell me, because I can’t stand seeing our relationship fall apart like this! You can yell at me and scold me all you want, but I need an explanation. I need to know the truth! Just, just say something! The silence’s killing me!”
Those last words came out in a shout. Matt’s breath was ragged as he tried to regain his energy, sweats forming on his face and dampening his hair. He put his hand onto his chest and tried to calm his heart down, asking himself what on earth he had just said. Throughout that confession, it wasn’t his mind speaking. It was his heart screaming in pain after being restrained for so long. It was his heart finally having a chance to let it all out, breaking all the strings holding it in place and silencing it. However, when he looked up, his mind started yelling at his heart for its rash action.
His professor looked like he was going through another breakdown, his head hung low and his eyes glued to the ground.
“P-Professor, I-” Matt retracted himself after realizing the unexpected effect it had on the older man. “I’m so sorry, I, I didn’t mean to hurt you even more…”
His words was in vain, unable to reach his professor’s ears, which was evident in the fact that it got no reaction out of him. Screaming at himself for making another mistake in his head, he tried to hold back tears, accepting that he had finally done it. He had officially shattered the bond they had shared throughout the good days, which now had become memories. He wanted to slap himself but his body was paralyzed. The reality was too much for him to take in, making him unable to move, so he just bit his lips as he tried to get the last words out, ending everything.
“I’m so sorry, professor. I’m… truly sorry.”
He turned on his heels as he opened the album of memories in his head, looking over each picture of the beautiful times they had spent together. He bid goodbye to the day he realized his heart was stolen, said farewell to the very first moment he embarrassed himself in his crush’s class and tried to forget the excitement he had had when he became his favorite professor’s teaching assistant. Everything would be sealed within the deepest reach of his mind and heart, never to be opened again.
He was pushing away the nostalgic feelings when he was suddenly held back from a powerful force. However, it was physical and could be felt, not invisible like the one in the classroom a few days ago. To be more specific, it was a hand clutching his arm, harshly pulling him backward and slamming him against the wall.
He was in the middle of processing what was happening when he heard the sound of the door closing. And when he looked up, he caught sight of those blue eyes that had become bright again, shining more brightly than ever, but they weren’t the same gentle ones. They were fierce, intense and sharp, staring right into his soul. A voice then sounded in an extremely low tone, sending chills down his spine.
“Where do you think you’re going, Matthew Parker?”