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Love Flavored Latte - Chapter 14
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“Wh-What are you doing, p-professor?”
Matt asked quietly as he looked up at the man in front of him. That man, he was always the most gentle person ever. He had a collected posture and a calm attitude. He spoke in a quiet but mysteriously deep voice that was sure to make one tingle. He owned two bluest eyes that sparkled more brightly than any star and were as stunning as a vast field of blue carnations. He had a gorgeous smile that never failed to impress. He was known not only for his looks and talent in teaching, but also for his personalities-kind, courteous and friendly. In short, he was a man anyone could wish for.
But at this moment, when the door had been closed and the outside world had been sealed away, Matt wondered if he was looking at the same man, the same professor he admired and adored.
The spark in his eyes had returned, but it wasn’t the same kind of light. It was dark, locking with Matt’s brown eyes in a way that threatened to steal and taint his soul. His hair was messy, but somehow it still had its charm, draping over one of his tired yet strong eyes. Even his warm smile was no more as he loomed over his student’s smaller body, his shadow engulfing him. His fingers was placed next to Matt’s head and clutched the wall, his other forearm resting on the other side.
He left no room for escape.
There was barely any light in the light, but those blue gems, by some mean, were still able to shine gloriously. Their faces were close and their lips could touch at any second, their breath reaching each other and making one another shiver in anticipation.
Matt’s heart was beating more rapidly than ever, both in fear and in excitement. His professor looked nothing like an affable person everyone respected and looked up to. He felt… intimidating, and for some reason, Matt liked it. Professor Angevine was never seen in this state by anyone at all, at least by the people at the university, so this was like seeing a different side of his that had always been concealed until now. It was like discovering a whole new world in his professor, a curious yet dangerous one.
“What am I doing?” Oh how that voice of his still kept its beautifully deep tone. It was like music, a song of mysteries and wonders. “Didn’t you say you want to know the truth? Don’t you want me to talk? Don’t you want an explanation?”
Matt’s voice could not be found. He was speechless at how different his professor’s way of speaking was, his face reddening and his breath hot. He was only capable of giving the other man a nod.
“You did do something wrong, Matthew, and it’s nothing I can ever forget easily.”
Matt gulped, confirming that his theory was right. He was really in the wrong and this whole thing was surely about what he had said a month ago, though he couldn’t exactly pin-point what it was.
“This all started long ago, when the new fall semester hasn’t even started yet.”
Matt widened his eyes in surprise, in disbelief that his suspicion was immediately proven wrong. Professor Angevine breathed heavily as if having a hard time speaking due to the increasing pressure.
“The memories of that day are still clear to me, vivid to the point it feels like it’s happening right now,” his professor went on, his voice starting to shake like his hands. “That Saturday would forever be the Saturday I want to keep in my heart the most. I walked into Grandhaven Coffee, expecting to get my favorite latte after one long year of studying abroad. But then, a certain barista captured my attention.”
Matt’s heart skipped a beat. However, he was still in denial, forcing himself to accept that he wasn’t the barista in his crush’s story. He wanted to shake his head to push away his fantasy of seeing himself in that position, but he was unable to because of his frozen body.
“I tried to stay calm, but my heart was racing faster than ever. That barista, his golden locks bounced lightly with the wind that came in when the door swung open, his smile shone like the warm sunlight outside, and his brown eyes carried the beauty of youth, hopes and dreams.
“He definitely looked nervous, but he never knew I was ten times more anxious than he was. Usually, while waiting for my drinks, I would sometimes look around the shop and take in its peaceful atmosphere. However, that afternoon, my eyes were fixated on him and every one of his little movement, my surroundings completely in vain. I could never have a cup of latte that isn’t prepared by him ever again.”
Matt, wake up! Matt shouted at himself. You’re dreaming! You’re halluciating!
“The day I met him in my very own class, I was shocked to the core. The barista I spent days and nights thinking about was standing right there in the lecture hall as my student. I was truthfully happy to see him, happy that it meant we could see each other more often, but then something quickly hit me. He was my student and I was his professor, so I feared what he would think of me if he ever found out about my attraction towards him. It continued to be one of my biggest insecurities, no matter how much I tried to shake it away, no matter how close I became to him.”
Out of the blue, Matt’s panic shifted into symphathy upon hearing those last words. Wasn’t it one of his biggest fears as well? Wasn’t it one of the questions he kept repeating in his head whenever he thought of the older man?
His professor suddenly moved one of his hand and used it to clutch his chest. “And on top of that, what if… what if he wasn’t interested in men in the first place? I went on asking myself that question until the situation I was scared of appeared right before my eyes – him saying that he already had another girl in his heart.”
Matt sweated, his heart threatening to bounce out of his chest.
Now there was no denying that his professor was talking about him, not when he quoted the exact words. He had mixed feelings about it, not knowing whether he should be glad or not. While he was truly happy to hear that his crush felt the same way about him, he felt like he shouldn’t celebrate just yet, not when the man of his dreams was acting so unlike himself.
“Matthew…” Professor Angevine slammed his hand back against the wall as he inched his face closer to Matt’s face, closing the already small distance between them. “You said you wanted to know why I was so cold? Now you know. You realize what you did now, don’t you? You stole my heart and then broke it like glass. Those words hurt like hell. They’re like millions of knives stabbing my chest over and over again. They are the cruel proof that you’ve already given your heart to someone else. I started to realize I shouldn’t bother you anymore. I should leave you alone so that you can focus your attention and affection on that lucky girl instead.”
He breathed in, sucking air through his teeth. This was when Matt realized that his professor’s eyes were beginning to water, though the other man was trying his best to hold them back.
“I shouldn’t be selfish, but I want to keep you all to myself. I know nothing I do will make you mine, but I want to spend more time with you, even though I’m aware that I’ll never be able to reach your heart. I’m aware that you’ll never see me as more than a professor. I want to throw these pathetic feelings away, but they’re too persistent. They are stubborn and wouldn’t leave. It hurts so much that I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. I’m hopelessly in love with you, with my own student! It hurts and there’s nothing I can do about it!”
His professor wasn’t able to control himself anymore. His heart and soul roared loudly along with his sore voice, pouring all the bottled emotions out in a rush. His collected nature broke, letting tears shed and flow down his cheeks. He no longer saw the need to stay calm anymore. All it mattered was that he let the other know his true feelings and what he had secretly gone through. He had succeeded, breathing heavily as he tried to get back his voice.
However, he couldn’t look at his student in the eye anymore, not after that confession of his, not after admitting his sinful attraction towards the wrong man. He was aware that he would not have another chance to receive another call or text from his TA. He wouldn’t be surprised that the next time they came across each other, Matt would coldly walk past him, not bothering to give him a single glance. But it was fine. He deserved it, so he would be responsible for it, he would give his student space and privacy.
“You can go now. The door isn’t locked.” He retracted his hands, stepping away to avoid eye contact. “You don’t need to say anything. I know you don’t want to. Just go as you wish.”
He stood there in silence, waiting to hear hurried footsteps fading into the distance. But strangely, no sound came, not even the sound of the door opening. He squeezed his eyes shut, not daring to look back to check. Maybe Matt was silently staring at him in disgust and pity, thinking of his last words for the person he could no longer see as a professor.
As he expected, footsteps were soon heard, so he eagerly awaited the sound of Matt opening the door to stay away from him forever. But to his surprise, those footsteps didn’t fade away but became closer instead. And before he knew it, a hand had touched his cheek, its warmth spreading all over his body and making him turn back.
“Professor, there’s some materials in the lesson that I didn’t understand. May I ask you about it?”
Matt tip-toed and placed a kiss on the tears that were still running down endlessly.
“Is it really hopeless if your feelings are returned?”
He tasted the salty tears of pain and concealed emotions, keeping their bodies as close as possible, so close that their chests were touching. He placed his hands on the taller man’s shoulders and looked into his bewildered eyes. The tears had made those blue eyes glassy, causing them to look like the most beautiful crystals ever existed on Earth. Even in this state, Professor Angevine was still as stunning as always.
“You did the same thing to me, so don’t you blame all of it on me,” Matt said with a smile, putting one finger on the other man’s lips. “That barista you saw that Saturday afternoon, he’s also spent months wondering if it’s really wise to develop feelings for his own professor. He’s also had the fears of not being accepted because he wants to be with his professor when he’s still nowhere near his graduation. Professionalism on campus, it’s what has been holding him back for so long, but little does he know that his crush feels the same way.”
Wiping away the other’s tears, he chuckled.
“In the end, we both fell in love with each other without even knowing it.”
The moment of heartfelt confessions soon fell into silence and they just stared into each other’s eyes. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable in any way. It was pleasant and they were both content with it, because was there really a need for words when they had already shared every piece of their mind? There was nothing to hide anymore. They loved their partner and they weren’t afraid to say it out loud.
They both whispered one another’s name as they leaned in for a kiss. Their first kiss…
…__________…
Matt fluttered his eyes open as the scene faded in his mind like an amazing play ending with the front curtains closing. But unlike a play where everyone clapped and applauded loudly, Matt woke up with a gloomy silence surrounding him. He sighed as he looked at the bed sheet he was lying on, gripping the blanket as his heart throbbed in pain.
He had finally woken up from his dream.
He expected tears to flow and stain the white mattress, but his eyes were as dry as a desert. He wondered why he wanted to even cry in the first place. From the very beginning, when Professor Angevine started hinting that he was the barista he fell in love with, Matt’s mind had already known that he was in dreamland. It was simply impossible. The part where his professor came clean about his sorrow, it was probably his own heart shouting in agony and distress upon being convinced by his mind that a relationship between him and his professor was just too unreal.
He buried his face into the face and didn’t even bother looking around, as the heartache was too much for him to handle right now. With a hazy vision, he chose to close his eyes and stay like that in bed. Maybe the heat of the blanket would help sooth him, he thought. Just then, the door opened.
“‘Morning, Matt. I brought you breakfast.”
“Thanks, Ethan.”
There was a short silence before that person spoke again, this time with a confused tone.
“Ethan? Isn’t he the person that sits next to you in class?”
“Stop messing around, Ethan. I’m not in a good mood today,” Matt groaned, burying himself deeper into the blanket. “And why the heck are you using that voice?”
Receiving no answer, he sighed as that person sat down beside him at the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry for getting mad at you for no reason, but I just had a bad dream.”
“Bad dream? Can you tell me about it?”
“I don’t want to recall it and you’re not helping at all, Ethan,” Matt said in annoyance, trying to ignore the sting in his chest. “What’s with that deep voice all of a sudden? It’s reminding me of what I’m trying to forget.”
“I don’t get what you’re saying, Matt.”
“Fine,” Matt grunted. “You ever heard them joke that when your crush likes you back, then you must be too deep in your imagination? Yeah, I just had a dream like that, so I guess that saying is true in a way.”
Another short silence followed before a little laugh sounded.
“What’s so funny?” Matt asked with a now irritated voice.
“I think I understand what’s going on here.” The mysterious man chuckled before Matt heard him putting something onto the nightstand. “Why don’t you try opening your eyes and look around.”
Matt groaned into the pillow. “Are
you serious right now, Ethan?”
“Come on, just do it. I promise it’ll be worth it.”
Sighing exasperatedly, Matt forced himself to sit up and rubbed the sleepiness off his eyes, looking around afterward. That was when he realized that he wasn’t in his bedroom. This one was spacious and more furnished. Everything looked neat and organized, unlike his room, which could be a complete mess sometimes. And on closer inspection, the bed wasn’t even the same. It was bigger and felt softer, the bed sheet ironed carefully.
He was in a daze until that same voice was heard again.
“So?”
Startled, he turned over and saw his professor sitting next to him, his chin resting on his palm as a smile made its way up to his face. Unlike what the other man had expected, this did not make him feel any better. After having a dream about something that was meant to be non-existent, seeing the sight of the man he loved just seemed to be a sharp blow to his heart, which was on the verge of breaking. He was lying on his bed in his room, but it didn’t mean that their hearts had united. Clutching the blanket, he tried to hide the wretchedness in his eyes as he spoke quietly.
“Oh, good morning, professor.” His smile had a dejected feel to it, a bitter taste suddenly on his tongue. “I must have fainted for you to bring me here, right?”
Professor Angevine raised an eyebrow.
“What are you going on about now?”
“Ah, I’m sorry, but my head is quite fuzzy.” Matt scratched the back of his neck. “I apologize for bothering you like this.”
His professor didn’t say anything but stared at him instead, an unhappy expression found on his face. He let out a sigh.
“Don’t tell me you still don’t believe this is real?”
Matt fell silent for a few seconds before replying with a firm voice, keeping his gaze low as he talked. “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m thinking, actually. My imagination must be acting up again and continuing to deceive me, making me think my wish was granted. I don’t have a chance to be with you, I know it.”
Matt hung his head low, waiting for himself to wake up for real this time, but nothing happened. His professor was still looking at him with that downcast look in his eyes. He shook his head, mumbling and begging himself to wake up but to no avail. Tears began to form, but he didn’t care. This wasn’t the real world after all, so why should be worry about how he looked?
“So you need proof, don’t you? Luckily, I have some.”
Slowly reaching his hand forward, his professor delicately touched his cheek, leaning in to kiss the tears at the corner of his eye. While Matt was still in a daze, he pulled him in for a kiss.
Their lips moved together in a perfect sync, heavy breath leaving their mouths through pants. The kiss, it was sweeter than any type of candy Matt had ever had since he was young. It was slow, gentle but also passionate, full of love and warmth. It soothed Matt’s mind, his limbs relaxing as he melted into the kiss. This kiss felt familiar, but he was convinced that it wasn’t from a dream. If it had been, it wouldn’t have felt so powerful and affectionate like this.
As they pulled apart to catch their breath, Professor Angevine had on a mischievous smile, but it somehow had a hint of adoration.
“Is that enough proof for you yet?”
Matt pretended to think before giving his answer.
“Nope, not yet.”
Smiling, his boyfriend leaned in and gave him more proof.