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Man Of Probabilities - Chapter 32
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Shinobu Naoyuki’s POV
After 8 years, I met my ex-lover and the first thing I did was argue and slap him.
Yes, I slapped him not only once but twice just like how many times he hurt me back then.
I know that we have our own different side of the story of how our relationship was ruined. If he will be the one who will tell our story, I know that he will pass all the blame to me, but for me it was not entirely my fault, it was his pride that made our breakup the worst one.
It was during the second year of my university days when I first met Sakami Juniichiro a student from the same university. I am suffering from too much stress and a sense loss when he walked in to my life and made his way to catch my attention.
I can still remember the first words he told me when he approached me.
“Excuse me, but I think I caught a First Love Syndrome and you are the cause of it.”
Yes those lines were too cringy but too be honest it was really effective in catching my attention that time because I amost punched him the face thinking that he is a pervert.
I refused him for as long as I can but he still insisted that he is willing to wait and make things work out between us. In the end, I accepted his proposal to have a relationship even though I told him that I can’t guarantee that I can give him all of my heart.
Our relationship took a little time before I finally opened up to him until I introduced him to my best friend Hisashi but didn’t said a word about us.
Juniichiro knew everything that happened to me before he came in to my life but he told that it will be alright, that he can endure it but in the end it was not really true. We end up fighting with just little things everytime I accidentally mentioned about my past that I am trying to move on from, the past that he and I only knows, that even Hisashi doesn’t even knew until now.
I tried everything to make our relationship sail smoothly and even went to the lengths of telling him about the power of probabilities I have promised to myself to never tell anyone ever again thinking that maybe if I opened up to him all of my deepest secrets then he will feel secured but I was wrong.
I never thought that it will make our situation worse.
He suddenly become colder as days goes by. The Juniichiro who always followed me around, the guy who promised to do his best to make a place in my heart is all gone. He stop caring for me and I end up being the one chasing for him.
I chased for him, I asked him what is wrong, I begged him to come back the way we used to be but it was too late.
I know part of it was my fault for playing hard for him, for always looking back at my buried past instead of looking at him and for loving him half-heartedly but I still asked myself a question that cannot be answered alone, when did it go wrong?”
For the last time, I pulled myself up and decided to talk to him and end things between us peacefully if that is the thing he wanted but not all things worked out the way I wanted.
I found him at the back of the gymnasium where he always stay alone to take a nap but that time he was sleeping in the lap of a girl, a senior student of our university.
Maybe that girl felt my rage and saw the storm coming and so she immediately run away leaving him tumbling down the floor as he wake up.
“What the…” he rubbed his head while sitting up and was surprised to see me in front of him.
“Is this the reason why you turned cold to me?”
“And so what? Who are you to complain being cold in our relationship when you also act cold towards me for a very long time.”
“But I never cheated on you! I did my best to love you whole heatedly even though I am still trying to moved on from -” *slaps* he slapped me unexpectedly when he stood up.
“From what? That past of yours? I am too tired of hearing that kind of excuses! I am tired of feeling like a dog chasing after you!”
“But you promised! Don’t you remember that you were the one who forcefully came in to my life asking to be my lover? Don’t you remember how much I refused because I told you that I am still not ready?”
“But I already gave you a lot of time learning how to love me. Your time is up, you are the one at fault! This toxic relationship is over! I only stayed to satisfy my curiosity about your so called probabilities.”
“So now you are blaming me? Now that I am starting to move on and love you that you will break me again? You have no idea how much it hurts!”
“Then why didn’t you just used your probabilities from the start? Why didn’t you just told me to stay away if you can just see the probabilities that a relationship between us is impossible.”
“Then do you really think that you will believe that if I told you something like that in the first place? Stop being irrational! It’s all your fault.”
“Stop pissing me off! You should just apologize for everything so we can both have a clean break up.” He pushed me forcefully and it caused me to be off balanced and fall to the ground.
“I never thought that you will be a jerk! I thought that I can at least break up with you peacefully but I was wrong! I wish I never met you in the first place. I will never apologize to you, especially if it is something that I didn’t do in the first place!”
“Shut up!! No matter what you say will piss me off. Why don’t you just join some circus and use that weird probabilities you have?”
“I swear, you will never wish to show your face in front of me again.”
(Probability of Sakami Juniichiro not showing up in school again: 100%)
That was the last time I saw him. He walked away without even looking back.
My left foot was sprained from the fall but I still endured the pain and held all my tears from falling. I did my best to walk until I reached the dormitory and wished that Hisashi was not there so he will not see how hurt I am but I was so unlucky that day.
When I reached the door, my tears can no longer be held back, it all started flowing down like a heavy rainfall that I cannot almost see when I opened the door.
I only realized that Hisashi was there when I felt him hugging me tight and asking me what is wrong.
I tried to hide what happened but because of being too emotional while crying, I accidentally slipped out those last words I heard from Juniichiro.
Hisashi asked me to take a rest while he will go out to buy some cake for me to calm down but it took him a longer time before he came back with a little scratch on his face telling me that he got into a little accident while he is on his way to the cake shop.
After that I never heard anything about Juniichiro and that surprisingly made me feel relieved and freed from his memories along with the past that happened before that.
Now that we have met again after a long time, my temporary feelings I had for him was all gone and the only thing I feel whenever I see him was regret that I tried to love a person like him.
I took a deep breath and try to relax myself. I should calm down. I should stop thinking about stressful things and just think about something positive, something like…. Kazuya.
Oh right, I still didn’t know the whole story about Kazuya’s problem at the University. I should prepare myself for a serious talk when he arrives later.
I started to continue working with the documents I have before I was summoned to the University when I heard the office telephone on my side ringing.
It was not often to receive a call from it especially now that all the parents of my patients prefer to send an email to me and so I slowly picked up the receiver.
“Hello it’s me, the investigator you asked to look for someone. I’m sorry if it took some time but I finally found the one you were looking for. Please tell me your email so I can send you all the details.”
“Thank you. Here’s my email address, …..”
“Please don’t be shocked and stay calm in whatever you will see in the files. I sympathize with you in advance. That’s all, goodbye.”
And then he hang up.
(Probability of Seeing a Bad News: 100%)