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Man Of Probabilities - Chapter 39
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After Koharu sent the location map of the town, I immediately left my place to follow Naoyuki.
I hop in the bus but something doesn’t feel right as the distance from the place got closer and closer.
The sceneries of this town and the view of the distant ocean from afar, I remember this scene not so long ago.
This was the same the town were I grew up, the place of the orphanage that stayed for years.
I finally remembered everything, those days when I always stared at the ocean from the window and wished that I can go there someday.
When I stepped down the bus, I still have no idea where Naoyuki will be in this town but something in me pushed me to walk towards the direction of the ocean.
I just walked as if I know where to go. The road seems like it haven’t been used frequently but I have a feeling that I am going to the right direction.
When I am finally at the end, what I see is a picture perfect view of the ocean from a cliff.
Only the sounds of the waves that keep crashing to the stones below the cliff can be heard.
I still wanted to admire the beautiful scenery when I finally found the reason why I came here.
Naoyuki is really here.
He is just silently standing at the corner as if he is part of the melancholic view. Staring down to a large rock at the corner of the cliff with little blue flowers growing on its surroundings with his back turned against me.
He didn’t even notice me when I walked behind his back and when I take a short glance of his face, I realized that he was crying again.
“I’m really sorry. I’m sorry for hating you for not coming back without knowing what really happened. I’m sorry. Makino, I still miss you.”
He continue talking but there was no one around. He is just kneeled down and keep talking at the rock that was already drenched with all his tears.
“Maybe if I just listened to what you have to say that day then maybe we will not end up like this. I’m sorry. It still hurt me everytime I remember how I can’t even say a proper goodbye to you. I’m sorry.”
He just continue talking to himself as he cried like a kid.
“Do you know how much I feel lonely when you suddenly disappeared? I’ve waited for you everyday. I always found myself coming back to all the places we’ve been through. Do you know how much it hurts to go to that bar you used yo have and just end up remembering all the memories we had? But I still visit it everyday and always hope to at least see you even for a second but you didn’t. You just left me without any warning! Why?”
He is still in the middle of having a breakdown and it also tear my heart just hearing how sad he is and so I leaned down hugged him from behind.
“It’s okay, you are not alone anymore.” I whispered to his ear and hugged him more tightly.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry…. Kazuya.” Finally he called my name as his eyes widened with disbelief seeing me in front of him.
He turned his body towards me and hugged me back. We just stayed like that for a few more minutes until all his tears dried up.
“Amemori-san? How can it be?” Suddenly someone speaks in front of us as he came out of the trees.
“Who?” I asked to him as he get closer while I am still hugging Yuki in my arms.
“Oh I’m sorry, I just thought that it was you from the distance. Maybe I am just having a delusion.” The man who seems like the same age as me said.
“How… How did you know Amemori?” I was surprised when Yuki let go and speaks with his trembling voice to the stranger.
“Actually… I also came here to visit him.” He showed the flowers he was holding behind his back.
I am starting to feel confused because there is no one else in here beside us so where is that Amemori Makino they are talking about?
“Are you relatives of Amemori-san? This is the first time that someone go here so I feel a little relieved if you really came here for him.” The man asked towards us.
“Yes I came here for him.” Yuki answered.
“I’m glad, then I can finally convey my words for him.” His eyes got a little teary as he walk closer to us.
“I’ve been enduring this my whole life but at least finally I can my apology to someone.” He kneeled down and make a formal bow.
” I’m sorry. I’m very sorry for losing him. It’s all my fault. He died because of me.”
My mind went blank as I realized what was really going on. The puzzle is finally coming together.
“What do you mean? Are you saying that he is already dead?” I asked him.
“My name is Hanasaki Kurokawa, the boy whom he saved from falling down this cliff more than 9 years ago.”
“So…. it’s you…” Yuki silently uttered as his eyes is starting to get teary again.
“I have always wanted to say sorry to him up until now but I know that it will be impossible and so I always waited for someone to come for him but even after many years, nobody came and so each day became more painful for me to live. How can I keep continue living knowing that someone else died just for me to survive? Knowing that someone else will be brokenhearted if they know that Amemori-san died out of the blue. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” And then he started crying like a little kid.
“You don’t have to blame yourself anymore. I know that Makino will be happy to see you live the life he gave to you happily without any worry about the past.” Yuki patted his head as he comfort him. “I’m sorry for not coming here up until now. Maybe if I came here a little early then you won’t suffer this long. You have to move on now.” He reached out his and pulled him up from the ground.
“Thank you…. Thank you for forgiving me. I promise that I will not make the sacrifice of Amemori-san in vain.”
“I’m also thankful to see that his sacrifice will be worth it.” Yuki reached out the flowers from Hanasaki’s hand and smiled despite of his tears that looks like it will fall any second.
…..
After talking for a while he invited us to his house but Naoyuki refused and told him that he is in a hurry to go somewhere else.
When we are finally alone again, silence came between us. I am still shocked knowing the reason why he was acting so strange yesterday.
If only I let him be and waited for him to calm down then maybe we haven’t broken up just like that.
Once again, Yuki walk in front of the large stone and put down the flowers in front of it.
Now I finally understand. That stone is not any ordinary stone, it is the gravestone of Amemori Makinohana.
“Makino, I hope you finally found your happiness somewhere. I promise that I will continue the thing you didn’t managed to do before you died. I promise that I will do my best to bring happiness to your child so you be at ease now.” Yuki prayed to his grave until his last tears dropped.
I waited for him to finish his prayer before I call for his attention.
“Yuki, I’m very sorry for what I did and said yesterday. I didn’t expected that you were carrying such burden up until now. I’m very sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. Sorry for not telling you anything about it. I just don’t want you be involved from anything in my past.”
“Then can we go back the way we used to be? Can we start all over again?” I asked him hoping that we can just forget about our break up.
“I don’t think this is the right time. I still have to settle something important so can we just give each other a little time? I hope you understand.”
“If that’s what you want then I’m fine with it, but please don’t forget that I will always be by your side no matter what happens.”
“Yes, I won’t forget. Then I should be going now, I still have some appointment to attend to. Goodbye.”
“Bye.” and then I was left alone in front of the stone grave.
A cold breeze of air passed by me and a petal of one of the little blue flowers from his grave flew in my chest.
“Amemori Makinohana. Now I don’t relly know how I feel about you after knowing that you are already dead? How can I hate you now after knowing the reason why you never come back to Yuki?” I held the little petal in my palm.
I kneeled down the stone grave to pay my respect to him and when I am just about to stand up, I spotted something that caught my eye.
I found two old folded pictures hidden beneath a tiny stone engraved with his name in front of the large stone.
I slowly unfold the first one and saw a picture of a girl and a guy that looks like college students.
It was so old and covered with dirt so I can’t clearly make out their faces but when I flipped it, I notice that something is written on it.
‘Little Flower Orphanage’
Amemori-Kotomine Kazuya
That’s the name of the place where I came from. But why is it written here? And what is that name written below it.
Kazuya… I hope that the name was just a coincidence.
I take a look at the second photo that looks little new than the first one. It was a picture of two guys in front of the planetarium entrance.
Despite of the little change in his appearance, I’m confident that one of the guy in the picture was Yuki when he was a college student and the other guy seems like the same guy in the other photo but much more mature in appearance which I can assume that it was Amemori Makinohana.
The longer I stare at the photo, the more uncomfortable I feel. Something is not right and it creeps me out just thinking about it.
Why? Why does this guy looks very similar to me? It feels like I am looking at myself 10 years from now and it only makes me more confused.
Amemori-san, who are you?
I slide the old pictures in my pocket and decided to visit the orphanage where I came from. Maybe I can get a little answer if I try to ask them now.
I made my way back to the town and reached the entrance of the orphanage and there I spotted Yuki’s car parked inside.
Is this the appointment the he was talking about? But why? Did he also come here after seeing the old pictures left under the stone?
“Excuse me, can I meet the director of this orphanage?” I asked one of the caretakers of the place who is just walking near the gate.
“Oh are you one of the children that came here? I can remember your face, hmmm wait let me remember your name…..” She just scanned me from head to toe and I think that it will take forever to remember me.
“It’s Kazuya. The one adopted by the Suzuki Family.”
” Oh right, I remember now! You were the lucky kid who got adopted by that sweet couple. How are they now? Did you here with them?” She looked behind me to search for anyone.
“Actually they died a long time ago. I just came here to ask the director for something so can I ask if she’s here?”
“Oh my, I’m sorry for asking. The director is in the office right now but I think she is not available at this moment because a visitor just came before you and requested to meet her.”
“Do you mean the man who is riding that car?” I pointed the car of Yuki parked at the corner.
“Yes, that rich looking handsome guy. Do you know how excited the kids who have seen him a while ago? They all hope that he came here to adopt someone. Don’t tell me you know that guy?”
“Yes, I came here with him, so I will going now. Thanks for the information.” I run as fast as I can towards the building and followed my memory of this place.
If I remember it correctly, I will find the director’s office at the end of the hall in the third floor.
I take all the steps without wasting time to breathe. I have to know what is really going on. I don’t have time to miss anymore information about Yuki and my past.
“…I don’t think there were anyone named Amemori Makinohana who visited this orphanage based on our records.” I heard the director talking inside his office. I am lucky that the door is not fully closed so I have the chance to eavesdrop to their conversation.
“Then can I ask all the information about all the kids that were brought here around 20 years ago?” I heard Yuki’s voice.
“I’m sorry but I think it will take too much time to find what you are looking for if we take a look at every records during those years.”
“But… I have to find someone.”
“Then you should give us more information so we can narrow down what you are really searching for.”
“Then… Can I ask for all the kids that have the name Kazuya from this orphanage? Any… Any year is fine.”
” Okay, let me see.”
I can hear the sound of a chair being pushed back and some footsteps inside.
I assume that the director stand up and walk towards the shelf of the archive to look for the records.
My heartbeat run wild as I am waiting for them to speak up.
Why would Yuki asked for the kids named Kazuya from this place? Is he looking for my past or is it about the thing written from photo?
” Hmmmm… From what I can see, the only kid named Kazuya from here is the kid who was adopted by the Suzuki couple.”
“Can I ask where did you get that name for him?”
“With regards to the rules of giving names to the orphans, we named them based on the closest things related to them when they were found and in some cases, there were babies who were granted a name before they are abandoned by their parents.”
“Then is Kazuya’s name….”
“That name was written in a torn piece of paper placed inside a pendant hidden underneath the blue blanket wrapping him on that day when he was found.”
“If you would like the picture of the baby, then you take a look at this picture.”
….
Silence came inside the room.
“No… No it cannot be. How can it be possible!”
“What do you mean? Is something wrong Shinobu-san?”
“That…that baby in the picture, where does he really came from?”
“Based on our records… He was found by a police in patrol near the frozen lake from the town next to us.”
“You must be kidding me? How can everything work out like this so easily?”
*crash*
“Shinobu-san are you alright?”
I heard something fall down the floor and I can feel that something is not right. I have to do something.
I didn’t hesitate and pushed the door open and barged inside the room without even knocking.
Yuki is on the floor looking shocked and when he saw my face, it almost looked like he saw a ghost.
“How can it be possible?! No, I can’t accept this.” He stand up and stormed out of the room.
The director and I are both surprised on what just happened and so we just looked each other until she speaks to me.
“Kazuya-kun? What a coincidence that you are here. Have you also come here to ask about your past?”
“Well actually, I already heard most of it from your conversation but I just wanted to ask something to confirm my thoughts.”
“What is it?”
“Please tell me about everything about the day when I was found at that lake you just mentioned earlier.”
“Actually, it was not really the police who have found you that time. According to the statement of the station who gave you here, Two children playing on that lake found you crying on the pile of snow.”
“Do you know the names of the kids that found me?”
“Let me find the case report first.” She walked towards a locked cabinet and opened a random drawer and pulled out a box with my name written at the top of it.
She bring out a thin blue blanket, an old pendant, and a worn out envelope containing the police report about the incident of my abandonment.
“Early morning of December 27, A baby was found near the Sakura Lake by two kids named Satoshi, 17 and Naoyuki, 10 who were playing in the area. There were no additional witness concerning the parents or anyone who left the baby in that place. The people from the nearby household were already asked for statements and a follow up case will be filed in case a witness appears or someone ask for a missing child.” She read the report clearly in front of me.
Satoshi and Naoyuki.
Can it really be him? Is he really the kid who found me before I started to freeze from the cold winter that day?
Then are we really fated to meet from the very start?
But… what about the photo of Amemori-san and that girl…
Does it mean that…
I wanted to scream when I figured out the obvious fact that Naoyuki and I have been dodging the whole time.
The way how Hanasaki mistaken me as Amemori for a second.
The old photo of him that looks exactly like me.
The promise that Yuki whispered to his grave before he left.
(‘I promise that I will do my best to bring happiness to your child so you be at ease now.’)
Did Yuki already realized it a while ago? Did he just come here to confirm it so he can face the truth?
What the heck is wrong with the strings of fate that is binding everyone in this whole mess.
“You can now take all this things if you want.” The director snapped me back to the reality as she handed out the box to me.
“Thank you for everything. I should be going now.” I accepted the box and run outside to catch up with Yuki.
“Yuki! Naoyuki! Wait for me!” I shouted when I saw him going inside his car.
Unfortunately, he didn’t hear me and so he started the car and already making his way out.
“Wait! Let us talk first!” I stepped bravely if front of his way to block the car.
I closed my eyes and waited for the impact but all I heard is the sound of his car’s screeching tires when he stopped the car from running over me.
“What are you doing?! Do you want to die?!” He pulled out from the car and march towards me.
“I just want to talk to you and make everything clear between us.”
“Fine. Let’s talk while we head back to the city.” He walked back inside the car without even looking at me in the eye.
I followed him inside and wear my seatbelt slowly.
For sure, this will going to be a rough ride.
Author’s Note:
Song Recommendation for this chapter:
Hoshikuzu Venus (星屑ビーナス) / Stadust Venus by Aimer
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