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Man Of Probabilities - Chapter 62
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December 5
After all the red leaves fall down from its branches, the season changes and eventually it is the start of the winter season. The early few days started out like normal cold days without any clear sign of the snow or if there is any possibility of having no snowfall this year. I secretly wished that the snow will never to fall this year even though I already know that it is 100% sure that it will eventually happen any time soon.
“Shinobu-san, I think you forgot your scarf in your office.” My new assistant said as we both stand in the front door of my clinic while I was closing the door.
“Oh, it’s fine. I don’t feel so cold today so I’ll just have to get it back tomorrow.” I said as I finally finish locking the door.
“I see, then see you tomorrow, good work for today.” She excused herself as we take different directions.
It was a lie when I told her that I wasn’t feeling cold today, in fact it was the opposite. Today is the coldest one I ever felt since the winter season started.
I take a small detour towards the park and just as I expected, it is almost empty and as usual. Makinohana’s favorite tree is still standing strong and tall yet lonely with all its leaves already gone. I continue to look up at the tree when a cold droplet touches my cheeks. I continued looking up as I watch the snowflakes started falling down from the sky.
“Ah, it’s almost time.” The timer has finally started.
I stop looking up when I cannot longer stop my tears flowing down eyes but as I look straight, I saw Kazuya standing in front of me with his nose and eyes already red from crying.
“Hey why are you crying? Are you alright?” I asked him while I also wipe the tears from my eyes to hide the fact that I am also crying on my own.
“I should be the one asking that. Yuki, are you truly alright?” he walks closer and holds my cheeks with his warm hands.
“Why? Why would I be not alright? I’m fine, I’m – “I can no longer continue what I’m saying when I saw the pained expression that Kazuya is making in front of me. “No. No I’m not. I am actually scared. I’m scared of the probabilities. I am afraid of everything that may happen to us in the future.” I started crying again releasing all the worries I started to get since the winter season started.
I am afraid of losing you to the point that I just want to end everything as soon as I can. Scared of seeing you realize the truth and the inevitable death between us. Afraid that whatever the choice I make, it will only leave our future together in vain.
“Yuki, I will always be by your side no matter what, so please stop worrying and leave everything to me.” He wrapped his scarf around my neck before hugging me tightly making me feel secured despite him also crying and hurting on his own whenever he is alone.
*ring**ring**ring*
My phone suddenly interrupted us and so I let go of Kazuya before answering the call. It is Shinjiro and I guess this about Koharu’s latest check up.
“Hello? What’s up?” I asked as soon as I answer.
“I wanted to say something about the result of Koharu’s last test. I think we should have a serious talk now.”
“Then can you just tell me now?”
“No, we have to talk face to face. Are you free right now? I can stop by your place now if you are already at home. Can you also ask Koharu to come?”
“Actually I am still outside. I am just strolling around here but I think I go to the hospital if you want to but I think Koharu is unavailable right now.”
“No need to go to the hospital, it is a little bit far for you to go considering that you are not driving your car today.”
“And why did you just assume that I will walk from here going there? I can get a ride from a bus or a taxi you know.”
“Well, knowing you, I can always imagine how you always walk whatever the distance of your destination is.”
“Hey I don’t like walking that much. It is just a coincidence.”
“Okay, fine. How about we just meet at the usual restaurant we used as meeting place?”
“Okay sure, I will just go ahead. I will be waiting.” I ended the call and I can already predict the stress that is coming on my way during our meeting.
“Kazuya, I think I have to go. Shinjiro called and we have to talk about Koharu’s test results so I really have to go now.”
“I understand. Be careful on your way. Bye.”
Unlike the first time when he saw Shinjiro, Kazuya is now calm and unaffected upon hearing his name after I told him about Koharu’s health condition during one of our date.
I started walking towards the restaurant without caring for the snow that continues to fall over my head. I completely forgotten to return Kazuya’s scarf and I somehow feel guilty leaving him like that.
“Sir, can I take your order?” the waiter asked me right after I take my seat into the restaurant.
“I am still waiting for my friend so I think a glass of white wine will be enough while I wait for him.”
“Okay, sir”. He just leaves for a few seconds and came back swiftly with a glass of chilled white wine.
“Here’s your wine sir. Just call me if you want to order more.”
“Thank you.”
Almost half an hour passed as I wait but Shinjiro is still nowhere to be found. After I finished my seventh glass of wine, I begin to feel impatient and so I decided to call him.
“Where the heck are you?” I asked as soon as he answers.
“I’m very sorry, I got stuck in the traffic since I drive during the rush hour, but don’t worry. I’m almost there.”
“…”
“Oh! There! I can see your back from here.” I turn my back and saw Shinjiro walking inside the restaurant but eventually got blocked by the staff because the restaurant is already fully booked and he was mistaken as a new customer.
*sigh* “Sometimes he is an idiot too. Just like all the people I know.
“I’m sorry for being late. I will pay for your meal as compensation so please forgive me.”
“Sure, but you also have to pay for the drinks.” I showed him the empty glass of wine I just finished a while ago.
“Errrr, don’t tell me that it is your favorite expensive wine?”
“Yes it is.”
“Then how many glasses did you already drink?” He seems nervous after realizing how troublesome it is to make a promise beforehand.
“Seven.”
“What?! That is almost a whole bottle! Did you seriously finish the whole bottle on your own?”
“Technically, yes. But it was your entire fault.”
“Ughhh. I guess we won’t be having any liquor during this meeting.”
“Ehhh, but why? I am not drunk or anything. It was just wine so I can still drink.”
“No, that is not about that. The price of you drink already consumed my entire budget for extra drinks.”
“Tsskkkk, says the doctor who earns a tons of cash every day.”
“Hey did you just click your tongue at me? And aren’t you the same? You are filthy rich.”
“Just forget it. I’ll just have to stop by a bar later after we talk.”
“Are you planning to drink again? I already told you to stop that.”
“Whatever. Let’s just start our discussion. What is it that you want to discuss face to face?”
“Inside this envelope is the result and that portfolio contains the graph of Koharu’s health condition since last year.” He pulled out an envelope and a thick portfolio from his bag and puts it down in front of me.
I take a short glance in the test result before browsing through the pages of the portfolio.
“His case is a little strange. We all thought that his condition will still be stable for a while just because there are no symptoms but after looking through, something terrible appears before us. To tell you the truth, Koharu admitted to me that he actually collapsed twice already but he is keeping that a secret from you to save you from worrying for him. He told me that the chest pain he feels becomes frequent recently and it really makes me worry. ”
“So you are saying that we have to do the operation as soon as possible?”
“Yes, it is too risky to delay it any longer because his heart is starting to get unstable.”
“But how about the donor? We already agreed about it in advance that you have to find a heart donor first before I sign the go signal to conduct an operation for him.”
“I am trying my best to find one. I already asked everyone I know from different hospitals and they promised me that they will contact me once they get one.”
“I see. I will discuss everything we talked about today to my parents and to Koharu tomorrow so expect a call from me.”
“Okay, I will wait for it. So can we order our meal now? I am actually hungry because I forgot to eat lunch earlier.”
“Oh so that is the real reason why you suggested meeting here huh.”
“Kind of.” He replied while he browsed through the menu.
We just casually talk like the usual stuffs about our work while eat our dinner together.
In additional note, Shinjiro and I are friends since our first year in the university when I met him on some subject classes I attended and since we are in the same department, we end up bumping into each other frequently until we ended up as friends even though he mostly do the talking and interactions during those times. And because of the fact that I was still suffering from the trauma back then, I never opened up to him about me being gay or my ability of seeing probabilities and up until now and I still have no plan of saying to him about my probabilities because it may just makes things complicated.
He may still think that it is weird for me to always act as if I am always against Koharu’s operation but I am just trying to protect Koharu and wanted the safest outcome and perfect percentage of probabilities when the times come…
“Do you want me to drive you home?” Shinjiro asked as we leave the restaurant.
“No, I have somewhere to drop by first.”
“Okay then, be careful on your way back. I will be waiting for your call tomorrow.” He walks inside his car and drive off.
I take out my phone from my pocket and make a call for Koharu.
“Hello? Nii-san what’s up? It is rare for you to make a call a night.” He answered immediately after just one ring.
“I actually want to meet you now but I guess it is pretty late-“
“No, its fine. We can meet up if it is really urgent.”
“Okay then I will wait for you at the convenience store near the university.”
“Sure, I am on my way now.”
I called out a taxi and arrived at the front of the convenience store at the same time when Koharu arrived.
“Are you sure that it is okay for you to be outside at this time?”
“Don’t worry, it is still early for the roll call in our dorm and besides, my friend is there to cover for me in case I ran late.’
“I see. Then can we sit inside to talk first?”
“Okay.”
We walk inside the store and luckily, there is no other customers expect us so the tables are all free.
“Maybe I should buy some drink first if we are going to sit here for a while.” Koharu bought some drinks and snacks first before sitting with me at the table.
“Koharu, please honestly answer all my questions.” I seriously look at him in the eyes to tell him that this will be a serious talk between us.
“O-okay.” He nervously answers and he stops himself from opening a bag of chips.
“How long have you’ve been feeling the all the symptoms of your heart problem? You keep telling me that you didn’t feel anything strange and you are in a very good condition recently but what does that test result mean? And you actually asked Shinjiro to keep it as a secret from me; don’t you have any trust in me?”
“I- I’m sorry. I just want to make sure that I will not make you and everyone worried about me.”
“But do you know how dangerous is that? Haven’t you realized how risky is your heart disease if you keep hiding your worsening condition? What if there was an error in the test result and we all end up overlooking the impending danger towards you?” I let all of my worries in a form of nagging towards him.
“I am really sorry. I didn’t realize it up until because I was too busy to enjoy living my life as a normal kid.”
“Huh? What are you talking about? You are normal; there is nothing wrong with you aside from your fragile heart.”
“I guess I just got too excited living on my own. Just forget what I said. I am really sorry for worrying you.” He obviously dodged the topic but I also don’t want to go through that sensitive topic for him.
“Okay, I will let this slip out but listen to what I have to say now. Koharu are you prepared to have an operation soon?”
“What? I never thought that it will happen so soon?”
“That is what I assumed too but after knowing the alarming state of your heart, an operation is needed soon.”
“Then it is fine. I am willing to take the operation no matter the risk if it is the only thing to save me.”
“I see, thank you.”
“Huh? Why are you thanking me?”
“Nothing, hahaha. And another thing, do you have any classes tomorrow?”
“I think I only have one in the early morning. Why?”
“I am planning to go to our parents to discuss about your health so I am thinking of bringing you with me. Can I pick you up tomorrow?”
“Okay, I will just call you once my class is over.”
“I understand, by the way, do you want to eat your dinner first? I can buy you something for you if you like.”
“If you insist then can I get some food here?” his eyes started to shoot beams as he look at the snacks around.
“Yes, sure get whatever you want. Just call me at the counter when it is time to pay. I’ll just sit here and finish my drinking my coffee.” Koharu happily roam around the store as he picks out his snacks.
Now that I think about it, isn’t this the convenience store where Kazuya usually works? He mentioned some time ago about seeing Koharu buying tons of chocolate and teasing him during his duty as a cashier here.
*ting**ting*
Speaking of Kazuya, he just sent me a message.
‘Yuki, what time are you coming back? I’m here at your place and I already fed Naoya so you don’t have to worry.’
I can’t help myself but smile as I imagine Kazuya constantly spoiling our cat every time he got the chance and it is absolutely obvious that he over fed Naoya with treats again while I am not around.
‘Did you already eat? I am already on my way back home so you can wait for me if you like.’ I message him back.
‘Okay, I will wait for you. ~(^_^~)’
“Nii-san it is time for you to pay, hehe.” Koharu finally calls me as he walks towards the cashier with a handful of various snacks.
“Hey, isn’t this too much for a single person to eat? Can you finish this all?” I stared at the basket full of snacks he puts on the counter.
“I am actually planning to share some to my roommate. I can put it back if you don’t want to.”
“Oh, I see. No need to put it back, it is fine, hahaha.”
“Nii-san why are you laughing like that? Did I say something wrong?”
“No, I am just intrigued about your real score with that special friend of yours.”
“Eh? What do you mean?” he stuttered as he tries to hide away his embarrassment.
“Come on, you can tell your brother your deepest secrets.”
“Well, actually we are-“
“Go ahead, say it. I am listening.” I lean closer to him to let him whisper it to my ear.
“The truth is we are not yet dating.” He whispered to me.
“Do you mean, you are actually planning to date that guy?” I can’t help but tease him more.
“Huh? Ahh, shit! What the heck am I saying now?” Koharu covered his mouth after realizing what he has actually revealed to me.
“Ahahaha, don’t worry about it. You can just tell me everything when you two are officially dating.” I lightly pat his back to comfort him.
“Yes, I will but don’t you dare tell it to Kazuya.” His face has gotten red after being all embarrassed.
“Its ‘Kazuya-nii –san’ for you.”
“Hey don’t tell me that he actually told you about that? He is such a wimp.”
“Hey watch your language. You should at least respect him even though he is just older than you by one day.” I pinched his cheeks as I nag him.
“Oww okay I understand. I’m sorry about that.”
“By the way, here’s some money that you can use as extra allowance.” I give him some money when I opened my wallet to pay the snacks he bought.
“Thanks.”
“I will be going home now. Make sure to head straight to your dorm before you cause any trouble for your friend.”
“Be careful on your way home. See you tomorrow.”
I left the convenience store and happily head back to the place where Kazuya is waiting for me.