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Uncontrollably Fond: Journey To Love - Chapter 7
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- Chapter 7 - chapter 7: a typical day for me
The next few days i didn’t talk with anyone, didn’t go out of the house not even my room. nor did I eat anything and I think this one can absolutely tell you how bad i was feeling and how depressed i really was.
yet one day they somehow felt sorry for me and forced me to have dinner with them, and just as I sat down they called my aunt to congratulate her for her daughter which was the same age as me, but when they asked about her results which by the way were higher than mine, they kept praising her how much they are proud and how much they wish I was as good, it all felt like knoves stabbing my already broken heart and i couldn’t take it anymore and left immediately.
later on i heard them talking about me like how dramatic I was acting and that they never said anything wrong to me they just praised her because she deserved it, well i know that she did she earned it after all, and it’s not that i’m jealous or anything I just wanted them to understand that the topic is still sensitive for me it really hurts me, it’s about my broken hopes and dreams rather than just a result, I would’ve appreciated if they just understood and respected me even for a little while. actually for a fact my mom came later to talk to me and console me which was more like scolding me to accept reality and it was nowhere near helpful.
Few other days passed by, and i started to somehow adapt to it and encourage myself AGAIN. I was in my little world when i heard the doorbell, of course i didn’t bother with it I don’t think it’s someone who bothers to me anyway, to my surprise though it was my teacher which obviously I refused to meet like tell her I died if that’s what it takes to send her away but after some real good scolding I ended up meeting her anyway.
the moment she saw me she threw herself on me hugging the life out of me faking care and affection, still I have to admit she’s good, I mean she could’ve tricked me if I didn’t know her well. she made a whole damned dramatic tragedy movie on her own starting with how surprised, sad and sorry she was with my results,not forgetting to low key insult me for how low I actually am compared to her lovely ‘students’ but again I was the only one who noticed it after all they didn’t know anything,then she ended it with a ‘motivational’ speech for me to get over my ‘shock’,or at least that’s how she described it.
half an hour through her movie she finally got to her point telling my mom that the school is planning a congratulating party like a prom for us just to ‘motivate’ us even more. and that it would help me to get better and that actually was all she needed to say to convince my mom, she was getting sick of me these past days, not only her to be honest all my family did.
my parents gave her the money she asked for or more precisely came all the way here for before she finally left. and then it was my family’s turn to convince me, it was hard to do so I had a vague idea about what that wicked woman can fo, but their unstoppable attempts were giving me a headache and I gave up eventually… Well maybe i wanted to see what they planned too.
a week later i got ready for the ‘prom’ and this time and for the one of the rare like pretty rare events my mom accompanied me. once we were there the teacher didn’t quite bother with me as usual and it didn’t really matter i was used to it after all, so i just stood by the side and waited for what was coming.
about half an hour passed by untill they told us that they want all the students to stand in a line just to enter the event’s hall, according to our rankings and grades, and althought i was among the top 30, they made stand at the end of it, the absolute last, like the ending point, i looked towards my mom using my eyes to tell her how much uncomfartable i was and how much i wanted to go home yet she didn’t even notice, so forcefully i went along with them. when we entered they took each of us to his seat and which is not surpring anymore i was seated in the dark corner.
They started the ceremony and gave the gifts according to rank from last to first, when my turn reached i can almost swear that it didn’t take more than a minute already shorter than the others, and when the top 10 rankers turn reached, the made them stand on the stage, and what can i tell about the fancy gifts they gave them, and oh they stood there for at least 30 minutes i swear it’s just that i lost track of time after it.
disappointed and fed up i decided to look at my ‘gifts’ and to say I was speechless would be the least, and i can confidently say that all the money my parents paid to make me feel better in the party was used to give those spoiled brats luxury gifts.
right then and at that moment i lost it i just went to my mom and told her to go home, no matter how much she tried to persuade me, this time was a complete no no, a rejection for sure, and eventually she gave up and we went home.
When we reached home my family members were curious to look at the so called gifts, and i stood aside watching their facial expressions turning from surprise to anger and ended up regretting that they ever convinced or more like forced me to go, yet it didn’t matter to me anymore, you know after living the same shit for five years it was just another typical day for me.
I won’t deny that it hurt me at some point I was humiliated after all but again it’s not something new, and they shouldn’t be surprised either, I was always mistreated and my gifts were always smaller, maybe it’s the fact that they supposedly paid for it, or they just feel guilty for me which AGAIN they shouldn’t, I didn’t tell them the details yes but they always had a vague idea about the way she treated me and did absolutely nothing and I’d appreciate if they keep it that way since it’s too late for temporary sympathy.
I can’t remember how i spent the rest of the summer, or to be more precise it didn’t have anything special about it to remember, except the fact that i spent it thinking wether my middle school will be as dark as primary school or better, it’s kind of funny now, the fact that i’m still hoping but what can i do, you can never change your habits easily.