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Uncontrollably Fond: Journey To Love - Chapter 92
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it’s over a week now since he ‘confessed’ and I can’t take it anymore I lost count which was already hard enough since I can’t even distinguish whether it’s day or night, I kind of pity him yes, now that I know his story It’d be better if he could get the proper treatment and throw his parents in jail, but still I hate his guts for what he’s making me go through, although I’m not usually the kind to sympathize with or pity people I think Adrean succeeded in changing that.
Adrean, well he maybe he changed a little more than I thought, now I even have some hope, iconic right? the girl that loathed this word for years now suddenly believes in it, not so much though, i’m not hoping for much, or at least that’s what I think.
I only hope that Adrean is looking for me now,just to look for me just like anyone’s family or loved ones would, I don’t want to go too far with it, it’s already eating me up now, that’s why I hate it, hope just brings your expectations up to crush you down eventually.
and I don’t want that to happen to me, that’s why i’m not even hoping for him to find me, that’s way too much for me, and I most probably will end up dead anyway whether I’ll make him kill me or even suicide and end it myself. I know it’s wrong and I know I kind of promised Adrean that I won’t do it especially because of Adam but I never expected this to happen, and it’s too much for me to take, there’s no way for me to escape and it’s getting worse everyday.
i’m always on the chair but he ties me to bed too when he’s tired and sleeps cuddling next to me just like Adrean does or at least that’s how he put it. he ‘kisses’ me every morning too but thanks to the duct tape that covers my mouth it never was direct and that’s the only thing i’m thankful for.
ever since I threw up on him he doesn’t bother to feed me he just keeps me barely alive with the injections three times a day and from a while to another he forced me to eat some chicken soup you know ‘healthy’ food which I end up throwing up but he feeds me it anyway just to ‘make sure’, although they don’t give me much energy they are enough for me to survive and that’s what he wants, I can’t really resist him with this little amount of power and i’m trying to save enough for my final attempt to run away.
he rarely uncovers my mouth too since it’s full of ‘nonsense’ according to him too, I refused him, begged him to let me go, tried to convince him not to listen to the ‘voices’, that I never loved him and never will, that I’ll end up dead if I stay with him so everytime he just covers it and tells me to think ‘clearly’ since I still didn’t know what’s good for me yet followed by a ‘few’ slaps here and there to ‘wake me up’.
Niall on the other hand didn’t show up as much and he doesn’t spend a long time around me which I assume it was Adam forbidding him from doing so, but at least he was kind enough, he’s the only one that gave me water secretly of course and he sends me sympathetic looks from time to time and I can see guilt to, i’m sure he didn’t expect Adam to go that far or treat me that bad especially after all the explanation I did the first time to convince him to back off.
everytime he uncovers my mouth I try to beg him and convince him to help me, but it was clear for anyone to see that he’s afraid of Adam, and I can’t say that I blame him for it, he’s way out of control and just like he said ‘nothing can ever stop him from getting what he wants’, and i’m pretty sure you know what it is or rather who it is.
the door opened snapping me out of my thoughts and in walked Niall with the usually small bottle of water to give me my daily share of it, considering that my smart kidnapper didn’t find water important enough to survive.
“just go to Adrean, Adam won’t be able to hurt you when Adrean is in the middle he’s afraid of him, and he’s already busy enough with me when he’s here to even think about you or consider what you’re doing, he doesn’t even consider the possibility of you betraying him. ” I said more like a whisper once I was done with drinking.
“you yourself wasn’t safe so what makes you so sure I’ll be. “
“I was safe enough, but I was disobedient, stubborn and careless too, which i’m sure you won’t be once you run away from him. ” he still wasn’t convinced enough.
“look you’re already screwed and you’ll end up in jail anyway, tell Adrean about me and I’ll help you in the court, I can make it less for you and I’ll convince them that you were forced just get me out of here. ” he Shook his head in denial.
“look, I’m tied 24/7 even when I go to the bathroom I have to jump to get there, I didn’t take a shower for more than a week, didn’t eat nor did he even bother to give me water my only source is the few drops you give me when you’re here if you don’t then he wouldn’t even think about it,and you can only survive for three days without it, it’s already tiring for me to talk, he hits me everytime he feels like it and my entire face, wrists and ankles burn like they caught in fire the whole day, he even forces me to take some pills and I don’t believe what he’s saying that they are sleeping pills they do nothing to put me to sleep they just make me dizzy and partly unconscious and hallucinating the whole day, I doubt I’d survive for more than a week at this rate, you don’t have much time to consider my offer, the clock is ticking and the countdown has already started whether you be the reason to save us both or we both rot, me underground and you in jail, think about it. “
I heard the front door opening and I started to cough harshly when Adam barged in.
“what are you doing? ” he asked Niall glaring at him.
“he helped me to take off the duct tape since I choked on my own spit and it was hard for me to breath. ” I explained since I noticed how flustered he was and I was afraid he’d expose us.
“leave the house and don’t come back until I call you. ” he ordered and he did but before he closed the door he looked at me and I looked at him the same way I did years ago, despretaly. then I looked at Adam he was glaring at me mysteriously and I was already scared he has never asked him to leave the house this is the first time, what is he planning?
“now my sweetheart… ” he started stepping closer to me. “how about we move on with our relationship and take it a step forward. ” he continued kneeling in front of me.
“there’s no relationship between us, unless hate and disgust count as one. ” I said back and he twisted my hand back painfully, since it was tied to the chair’s handle, and I held back a hiss keeping my expression cold and angry.
succeeding in shutting me up he started to lean forward, to kiss me, I turned my face around and his lips landed on my cheek but he wasn’t satisfied so he made a second attempt but faced the same results, already angry enough he held my face with his hand turning it around so that I can’t get away but before he can kiss me I spit on his face, disgusting I know I never thought I’d ever do something like this to anyone in my life, but at least it won’t be as disgusting as letting him kiss me.
wiping his face with his hand he slapped me harshly that it almost snapped my neck before he untied my feet, and I waited impatiently for him to do the same with my wrists before I can do anything, I can’t kick him now or else he won’t do it.
he finally did and I was about to do my next move when he picked me up then threw me on the bed.
“I’ll make you mine so that you’ll never forget who you belong to. ” he said laying on top of me and helding both my wrists on top of my head then leaned to kiss my neck.
“don’t try to resist me I know you’ve did it before with my cousin but this time it won’t be the same. ” he said reaching his hand to the shorts and I let out a high pitched scream that even he flinched to, and it gave me a chance to grab the lamp beside the bed and crush it on his head.
of course he didn’t lose consciousness he has a thick skull after all, so I pushed him from me and he was now laying on the floor, a bit dizzy due to the unexpected hit, and just like the last time I kicked him hard on his little friend that even I could imagine the pain, then followed it with another on in his stomach before running away.
I didn’t have enough energy and the adrenaline won’t keep me going for long, so instead of making a run to the woods I went to the cliff, it isn’t that far and once I jump off of it I’ll fall into the sea.
“April stop!!! ” he yelled after me, motherf***er, he didn’t take long as he’s supposed to, and I wasn’t that fast too since I had no power in me.
once I was a few steps away from falling down I turned around to face him, he was still kind of far but it’s already surprising that he was able to even stand up by now.
“you destroyed me!!! ” I screamed and he slowed down a bit.
“you didn’t leave anything good in me!! ” this time he stopped.
“even I can’t recognize myself anymore!!! I became the bitch that doesn’t even like herself!!! ” I was screaming and crying at this point, and I didn’t care that my throat was hurting.
“I didn’t ever feel safe around you!!! even that day I was just pushing you to get further from those clowns!!! ” his eyes widened but he still didn’t say anything.
“you said that you liked that I was always strong and cheerful but you were the one to take that away from me!!! I was that gurl until you ruined it in high school.” I wiped away my tears then looked back at him.
“you knew how bad and fu**ed up my life was but you decided to make it worse!! “
“you knew how bad my relationship with my my family was but thanks to you I ended it!! ” I know that I was exaggerating it but it’s kind of true, he sent Niall to convince them with marriage which made it worse at least they never kicked me out.
“you knew I was in a relationship with your cousin but you tried to rape me TWICE!!! ” by now he was completly shaken with what i’m saying.
“I begged you and pushed you away for years but you just became worse everytime!! “
“listen-“
“I WON’T !!” I cut him off “I’ve been listening for years now it’s your turn to listen. “
“i’m tired I was barely pushing myself to keep going, I gave up on everything in my life but I still didn’t give it up, but thanks to you I am going to do it now, I held back for years and I never wanted to ruin it all like this but YOU JUST DIDN’T LEAVE ME ANY OTHER CHOICE!! ” I screamed the last part louder emphasising every word and again wiped my tears then glanced back at the sea behind me, when I turned around he was about to move closer to me.
“DON’T MOVE!! you ruined everything for me, at least let me die in peace. ” he clearly wanted to say something but didn’t have the right words to say it, we kept quiet for five minutes while I was crying silently before deciding to speak again.
“I didn’t sleep peacefully for years, I didn’t even get to eat in the last days of my life. ” I chuckled to myself. “I haven’t lived peacefully at all and you just decided to make it worse, did you ever think if I ever wanted to be with you? to come with you? to sleep with you?? no right? that voice didn’t either. “
“but you’re not the only one among us who got that ‘voice’ in his head I have one too, but you’re the only one who let it control you.”
“have you ever cared about anyone? no right? you just want people to care about you for me I did, I tried it just didn’t work, but you never did, you don’t even care about me now all you want is to get me to care about you!! ” hearing that he lowered his gaze.
“but you know what’s worse? the fact that I can’t blame you, I had already forgiven you the first time we met again since I knew you just couldn’t stop yourself, and even now although I hate you and you disgust me I still pity you, I still feel guilty for blaming you because I know… I know better than anyone how hard it is. ” my voice got lower and lower untill it almost became a whisper.
“now please let me go in peace. ” was the last thing I said before turning around to jump.
“April, NO!! “