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Man Of Probabilities - Chapter 67
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Shinobu Naoyuki’s POV
DECEMBER 28
Koharu’s operation is scheduled just two days away and I thought that everything will go smoothly without any trouble but fate is really playing all its cards against us.
I just got a call from my parents in the hospital telling me about Koharu’s heart attack and he was moved into the intensive care unit as of the moment.
I immediately left my clinic and drive straight to the hospital to know what exactly happened.
“Nao, I’m glad that you came. The doctor is trying to explain us what happened but we cannot grasp what is the exact thing that they are trying to tell us.” My dad was waiting for me at the entrance of the hospital.
“I see, I will talk with Shinjiro and explain everything later.” I walk inside and go directly to his office hoping that he is inside.
*knock**knock* I knock for a few more times but there is no response but the door is not locked and so I decided to just look inside.
“Shin can we talk?” I asked when I saw him inside looking so busy.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t notice that you are knocking on the door. I am actually planning to call you but I guess your dad called you immediately after what happened.” He puts down the documents he is reading and takes off his glasses.
“What exactly happened to Koharu?” I take a seat on the sofa facing his desk.
“It all happened earlier today during his morning check-up, we all thought that it was the usual chest pain but after 5 minutes, Koharu told me that the pain won’t stop and he suddenly lost consciousness and so I decided to examine him further and that is when I discovered this.” He turned the monitor of his computer towards me and pointed into the screen an x-ray footage of a heart.
I look closely and the longer I stare at it, the more I feel terrified.
“It is my decision to transfer Koharu into the ICU. We don’t know when will be his next attack and afraid that it may be fatal with one wrong move from us.”
“Then how about the operation? Can you just reschedule and do it now?” I may sound desperate but this is the least I can do.
“I am trying to call the hospital where the braindead patient is to request an advance operation but they are still not responding.”
“…”
I stayed silent as I continue looking at computer screen.
Koharu 60%, Kazuya 18%, Naoyuki 22%
This is definitely going bad. The percentage for Koharu is getting higher since he was transferred into the ICU.
*ring**ring*
Suddenly, the telephone in Shinjiro’s desk rings.
“Dr. Shigure speaking, who is this?” he answered the call formally.
“What?! Hey what kind of joke is this? You know this is not funny.” I was surprised when Shin started speaking loudly and a little angry with the caller.
“No. Didn’t we already signed the documents? What kind of bullshit are you trying to tell me huh? No! I will never believe that kind of excuse you are trying to tell me.” The tone of their conversation is getting a little awkward to listen to and so I decided to leave the room for a while but Shin signaled me to stay seated.
“Tell me the truth, who is it? Who paid a huge amount of money in your hospital to received that very special kind of treatment? Do you think I will not know that thing? Your excuse has been used for a million times that it basically sounded like an old script being used by all of you. Cut that bullshit! Who would believe that you made a mistake with a job that you’ve been doing for more than a decade?! I had enough of you, don’t ever contact me and I swear, if anything bad happens to my patient because of you, I will get that shit out of you!” He smashed the telephone on his desk and I am afraid that it will no longer function after that critical hit.
*sigh* “Damn it!”
He really looks upset as he seats back to his chair and so I just stay quiet waiting for him to speak first.
“Nao, I’m very sorry. I’m sorry that I messed up bigtime.” His voice keeps trembling as he speaks.
“Huh? What are you talking about?”
“That call, it is from the hospital where the heart donor should be. They just called me to say that there is no longer donor available. Can you believe that? They just told me that made a mistake and the patient suddenly die without his organs being extracted. All those efforts and struggles to have the patient’s family to sign the donor’s waiver are all waisted just because of some powerful VIP who came into that hospital and claimed the donor’s organ without caring of others who are really in need of those organs. Nao, I’m really sorry.” For the first time yet again, I saw a rare side of my friend. Shin started crying as he keeps apologizing to me.
I wanted to say that it is okay but my heart stops me from doing so because O know that it is not okay. All the hope and courage we are holding all crumbled at once because of that single call.
“Shin, it is not your fault. I know how you are feeling right now but there is nothing we can do over the things we already lost. Let us just hope that there will be a miracle and a donor will appear out of the blue.” I don’t even know if I am trying to comfort him or I am just purely being sarcastic because my mind is in chaos. I just left his office and with my mind blank, and absentmindedly reached the ICU where Koharu is still unconscious.
Koharu 76%, Kazuya 6%, Naoyuki 18%
Why? Why does fate keeps testing me? Isn’t my suffering because of these crappy probabilities enough? And now you are letting me play as a god and give me a power to decide who will live and die? I am getting sick of this!
I can still remember the vague memory when this game of balancing death probabilities started…
It was the same day when I got the ability to see probabilities when I met the newborn Kazuya and the same day when Koharu was born. It was an eventful day. A day where it feels like everything all started.
What if this ability originally belonged to Kazuya? I remember that I started seeing percentages floating in the air when I touch him back then so maybe it is really from him.
And when I first used this ability when I saw my baby brother, an 11% appeared in front of me. I was young and innocent back then to understand what is the real message of that probability but as I grow older, the voice I heard that time keeps repeating in my head.
11% Probability of Staying Alive Together for 20 years.
Who would not cry after hearing those words? Even the 10 years old me knew that time that it is not something good for the two of us and so since then, I started to study and observe the probabilities and the instances of how it moves.
I thought that I am doing good by keeping a perfect balance between the two us but I didn’t expect it to get chaotic on the 20th year.
When I met Kazuya, the balance was disrupted and his life came in to the balance. A strange three-way balance of life and death.
I did not want to get him involve into any of my problems from the very beginning and so I keep hiding secrets from him including my past and the future that I am trying to control. When he told me that day that he also has the ability to see probabilities, I feel more terrified than being relieved from his reassurance.
I tried connecting all the pieces of the puzzle until I end up with a strange conclusion. The ability of seeing the probabilities will only bring sufferings and misfortunes to those who have it. If my theory is correct about Kazuya being the real owner of this abilities which was accidentally passed into me, then maybe it was just passed down to Kazuya when he was born.
What if it really came from his father Makinohana? Considering the fact that he suffered from misfortunes all his life and even ended up dying at a young age, maybe he also possessed that ability. It will be an understandable explanation on why I cannot use my ability into anything related to him back then is because he is the original owner of that ability.
*sigh*
I look at the time from my wrist watch and saw that it is already 2 in the afternoon and yet, I cannot even feel that it’s been just an hour since I came here. I am too frustrated that I cannot even cry or express my emotions any longer.
I walk back to the lobby of the hospital where my parents are waiting for me and as I walk closer to them, I prepared myself on how to say to them the bad news about Koharu’s heart donor.
“Nao, how’s your little brother’s condition? Are they going to do the operation earlier?” my mom started asking me as soon as I get closer to them.
“Koharu is still unconscious and under strict monitoring, we actually tried to move the operation into an earlier date but…” I take a deep breath before continuing. “we lost the heart donor. Shinjiro just got a call while I was talking to him inside his office and seems that there was a mistake from the other party.”
“What? But why?” My mom started crying while dad just stayed silent the whole time.
“There is still hope so we should not give up too soon. Dad, please take care of mom and Koharu. I will make sure that I will find a heart for Koharu.”
I give them a tight hug before stepping out of the hospital and found a bench outside to sit on and think for a while. It is a peaceful afternoon; the weather is bright for a normal winter day which is almost an insult for us who is having a very bad day.
I took out the small card that I am keeping inside the pocket of my coat and pulled out the pen that I am always carrying around. Slowly, I filled up the card with all my personal details and signed it and as I flip it to the back side, I started selecting all the organs that I wanted to donate…
I put back the organ donor’s card and the pen in my pocket before standing and to look closer to the wishing fountain I spotted nearby. I am already holding a bunch of coins waiting to be tossed down the fountain but when I finally get closer, I realized that the water in it was completely frozen.
So, what now? Even the wishing fountain refuses to let me take my wish? I feel like an idiot being frustrated as I keep staring at my own reflection from the frozen water. I aggressively tossed the coin to the frozen surface and keep repeating it using all the coins I have in my pocket until I noticed that the ice is starting to get cracked.
For the first time, I feel like I won from a big battle after shattering a frozen water but as I made my desperate wish, a percentage appeared above the shattered ice.
Koharu 0%, Kazuya 99%, Naoyuki 1%
After seeing the horrifying probabilities, my eyesight turns dark and I cannot see anything for more than ten seconds. When my sight goes back, I was blinded again by the uncontrollable flashing of random percentages in front of me.
It is as if my ability to see the probabilities is going haywire.
I run towards my car as soon as the probabilities slowly stops flashing wildly. I started driving back home where Kazuya is supposed to be to save him in whatever danger he coming to take his life.
As I drive as fast as I can, I received a call coming from Kazuya and so I didn’t hesitate to answer him while driving.
“Kazuya, where are you?” “Yuki, where are you?” We both say at the same time when I answer his call.
“Kazuya please calm down and tell me, where are you?” I can clearly hear how he gasp for air while talking.
“I’m on my way to you, please tell me where are you Yuki? Are you still inside the hospital?”
“No, I am on my way home, I thought that you are still there.”
“Yuki please stay wherever you are, I’m on my way.”
“No, I am on my way too.”
We keep arguing about where we our until my eyesight gets blinded again and when I opened my eyes again, the balance of the probabilities dramatically changed again.
Koharu 33%, Kazuya 33%, Naoyuki 33%
It was a strange balance that only pushed me to my limit to decide doing the worst thing that I have to do. I have to kill myself or else the probabilities will keep trying to kill Koharu and Kazuya in this endless cycle of fear.
“Kazuya, I’m very sorry. Please forgive me about what I am going to do now, but please remember that I love- “Suddenly, I hear a loud crashing sound from Kazuya’s side. “Kazuya what happened? Kazuya? Hey Kazuya!”
I am too focused on reaching out for Kazuya that I didn’t even notice what was happening on the street where I was driving.
There was an earthquake happening that I didn’t even notice because I was driving. The shaking of the ground keeps getting more and more powerful as I stop the car in the middle of the road and witness how some of the buildings around the city started collapsing down.
“Kazuya… please speak up! Tell me that you are still okay!” I turn back to my phone but there is still no respond from him.
My tears keep flowing down my eyes while the earthquake stills continue.
Is this the end for us? But why does it have to be Kazuya? Why didn’t you just let me die on my own?
Kazuya please tell me why? If I just know that this will actually happen, then maybe I just change everything from the very beginning.
I shouldn’t have met you. I should have avoided meeting you at that time when I still have everything under control and if I just stop myself from being selfish, perhaps we can avoid everything we have suffered until now.
Maybe if I didn’t take a step forward back then, our story will never exist and our love story now will never have an improper ending like this.
I continue crying as I look at the photo of him on my phone and all I wanted was to turn back on time and undo everything.
As I keep crying while the earthquake keeps going on for about 2 more minutes, I didn’t notice that there was an approaching truck behind my car that seems to be getting out of control. It continues ramming all the vehicles that is on its way and at the moment that it reaches my car, all the will and energy left me.
I just closed my eyes and wait for the moment that it struck me.
And before I lost my consciousness after the impact, I made my last request to whoever who it maybe. “I just hope that the doctors can salvage my heart for Koharu…”