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Man Of Probabilities - Chapter 63
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Odagiri Miyoshi’s POV
It’s been months since my unplanned confession towards Arakata-sensei and since then, I keep avoiding him as much as I can. I continued attending his classes like usual but unlike those times when I keep searching for him during break times, I just stayed away from him.
It is not that I am mad of him or anything like that; the truth is I am just afraid to hear his whole answer to my confession. I don’t want to feel hurt if he ever rejects me even though I am already hurting myself now by keeping myself away from him.
When did I start falling in love for him like this? Maybe it is love at first sight? Or maybe not. Maybe it was the moment I heard his voice the second time around.
*Flashbacks*
I can still remember the first day I met him, the fateful encounter that I never expected to happen in my whole life. It was the first day of classes for my new school after deciding to transfer here for my last year in high school considering the fact that it is far away from my previous one just to make sure that nobody knows me.
I was having a fever that morning after staying up all night while stressing out myself about the possibility of going through the same suffering from my previous schools if ever the rumors about me reach the teachers and they start to make a biased judgement about me.
With my vision getting more blurry as I approach the school gate, I still tried to walk and hoped that I can make it on time for the entrance ceremony and the homeroom orientation so that I can at least leave a good first impression to my teacher.
I am just a few steps away from the gate when my body finally gave out and I collapsed to the rough asphalt of the side road.
‘Oh shit! Why do I have to suffer like this on my first day? How can I even look neat and friendly with everyone if I already look like a worn out kid with my clothes all dirty because of this?’ I thought to myself as stay still lying flat to the ground without even an extra energy to spare to slap myself for being an idiot.
“Hey kid, are you not feeling alright? Are you a new student of Kogarashi High?” I didn’t even notice that somebody walks towards me. I wanted to be thankful for his concern but why would you even need to ask a person who already collapsed to the ground if he is alright? Do you think that I am just lying here for fun?
“Why would I need to answer you?” Just mind your own business.” I answered him with the tone full of annoyance.
“Look, I’m not trying to interfere in your business or something but please, if you’re not feeling well right now, you should just go home and skip the first day.” He was still calm even after I was rude to him but I am still annoyed to him.
“And who do you think you are to make decisions for me?”I can’t help but direct all my annoyance and even my anger to myself towards him in a very rude way.
“I’m a teacher there and possibly you will be one of my students so just listen to me.” I can feel my world cracking after hearing the word ‘teacher’ because if he is really my teacher, then my school life is already doomed. I don’t even need the rumors to reach them because I singlehandedly ruin my own reputation in front of a teacher.
“You- you- you are my teacher?” Even though I already know that the chance of really having him as my teacher is high, I just wanted to find my last hope by asking such question.
“Yes so please listen to me. I can drive you back to your home or…” Maybe it was because of the shock, but my condition really got worse. I didn’t even have the chance to see his face clearly when he lifts me up because my mind finally went blank.
When I woke up, I was already in the school clinic.
“Oh dear, you’re finally awake. How do you feel?” The nurse who was eating a sandwich in his table said when he noticed me sit up from the bed.
“I am still feeling a little dizzy but I think my fever cooled down a bit already. Can I ask what time is it? How long has it been since I was knocked out?”
“It is already lunch time. But don’t worry about being absent today for your classes because I can assure you that it is all about self introductions and the boring orientations so you can just skip those things.”
“I see, but can I go to my classroom now?”
“No, you cannot. You are still dizzy so I want you to just stay here until the end of the day. Oh by the way, here is your ID card. I think you lost it in the entrance earlier.
“Thanks.” I looked at my ID card for a second until I remember the most important thing I need know. “I am just wondering, how did I end up here? I just remember collapsing outside the gate.”
“Well, my student assistants brought you here earlier.”
“How about that person calling himself as a teacher?” I don’t even remember seeing any students nearby when I collapsed earlier. What if that guy really left me lying on the ground after I offended him multiple times? Aggghhh!
“Oh, do you mean Arakata-sensei? Hahaha. My students told me that he was the one who ordered them to carry you out of his car earlier.”
“So you mean, he actually picked me up and brought me here?”And that makes me feel more ashamed because I almost thought that he heartlessly left me back there.
“Yes, it is Arakata-sensei. He is a literature teacher for senior high schools so I think he will be your teacher starting today.”
“Then, I think I should thank him properly now.” I wanted to run and search for him as soon as possible to apologize and explain my rude behaviour earlier to clear things up but when I stand up, my head starts spinning.
“You should get more rest first. If you want to thank him properly, then you should just do it tomorrow when you fully recovered. Besides, I am very sure that you will see him tomorrow in your class.”
That was the biggest lie I ever heard because when I came in to the class the next day, Arakata-sensei is nowhere to be found.
Rumors started spreading around my classmates, after one of our teachers jokingly said that maybe Arakata-sensei got involved into a street fight again. Some students started discussing about all the gossip they heard about sensei’s past and every time I heard more, the weirder Arakata-sensei’s image I can imagine.
During the 3rd day of Arakata-sensei’s disappearance, someone who looks like a doctor came in the teachers’ office and made fuzz inside.
“Hey, did you see that good looking doctor who came here during lunch break? I heard that he was looking for Arakata-sensei.” I heard a group of girls talking while we are all cleaning the classroom.
“Eh? Really? Do you think sensei escaped the hospital?”
“No, you’re wrong. I think that guy is sensei’s friend.”
“But if he is his friend then why is he looking for him in the school? Why doesn’t he just call for sensei personally? Don’t tell me that Arakata-sensei is really missing?”
“Are you an idiot? If he is really missing, then the school will inform as already about that.”
“Then maybe he eloped with a random girl and maybe that handsome guy is his boyfriend desperately looking for him.”
“Hey stop making it look like it is a plot from a boy’s love manga. And besides, how can you even think of him as gay?”
“But can’t you even see how the two of them look so good together?”
“Well, you are right about that, two handsome guys together. Ahhh! I think I can use it as a new material for the story I’m writing.”
“See? I am definitely a genius when it comes to shipping people together.”
“But I wonder who is the seme between them?”
“I’m sure it is Arakata-sensei! He is the perfect image of a hot teacher with a dark past of being a delinquent and that handsome doctor is definitely a gentle person who is always there whenever sensei got hurt after fighting the bad guys.”
“But I think it is the other way around.”
“Huh? Why? Are you blind of something?”
“Well I actually read some new BL manga yesterday about a delinquent who fell in love with a straight-laced student and he ended up being the uke. Isn’t just like how Arakata-sense fell in love with a weak looking guy who is secretly a seme?”
“I see. Ahh! Now it is making me more confused in deciding which one is better.”
I don’t even have the slightest idea of the strange words they are talking about but I got a feeling that they are really imagining something weird towards our teacher.
“Hey you three over there! Stop talking around and start helping us in cleaning.” Our class representative interrupted them after noticing that they are talking for too long instead of cleaning the windows.
I can’t believe that Arakata-sensei is so famous among the students to the point that they are shipping him to another guy.
After being absent for the entire week, Arakata-sensei finally showed up the next Monday. I don’t even have the clear image of his face and only knows his voice and so I felt a strange sensation when I finally heard his voice again as soon as he entered our classroom. I just stared at his face the whole time and I cannot even focus in answering his pop out quiz because I am too occupied with the thoughts about him and all the rumors I gathered the whole time when he was not around.
It all started out of my curiosity of knowing him and my regret of not apologizing and thanking him for what happened during our first meeting that pushed me to become a stalker. I eventually started following him during lunch breaks and every moment that I got some free time to wander around the school. One time, I was almost caught during the time when I watched him eat his lunch but thankfully, I got some good reflexes to run away before he can see my face.
The next day, I didn’t see him anywhere during the lunch break and I almost thought that he started to hide after our encounter but when I passed by the library, I saw him half asleep while holding a thick book. I feel a little guilty as I assumed that it was my fault and so I decided to buy him a meal but after actually buying one, I realized that there is no way that I can give it personally to him and so I did the very dumb thing to do. I wrote a note saying, ‘Sorry for all the trouble, hope you don’t skip your lunch next time’ and left the bag of lunch in the front hood of his car. At the end of the day, I realized that what I did was kind of creepy and it looks more like a threat than being concerned towards him after leaving a lunch that got spoiled immediately.
Following that incident, another accidental encounter happened during the weekends while I was on the cafe where I work as a newbie waiter. He entered the cafe and it seems like he was waiting for someone.
He was busy browsing through his phone when he asks for a waiter and I immediately walk towards him before anyone else gets his order.
“What is your order sir?” I asked him while he was still busy but surprisingly, he turned up and look at my face.
I feel a little nervous as he continues glancing at me as he gave me his orders as if he was trying to remember my face. I feel so nervous that time worrying about all the stalking I’ve been doing the whole week.
“Sorry for the wait Hisa.” A guy who looks much older but looks just like him appeared in a perfect timing as Arakata-sensei finished stating all of his orders.
I also wanted to be the one to serve his order but I was suddenly asked to go to the storage room and so I no longer got the chance to see watch inside the cafe.
When Monday morning came, Mizuki-san asked me to take a box of cake as a bonus compensation for working overtime the other day. I end up bringing the box of cake at school even though I am not really a fan of cakes or any sweet things but during lunch time, I decided to open the box and check what kind of cake did Mizuki-san gave me, and it turned out to be a cream cheese cake, the same cake that Arakata-sensei ordered in our cafe.
Another dumb idea came into my mind as I closed the box again and approached the teachers’ office. Luckily, almost all of the teachers were not around including Arakata-sensei and so I sneak in and left the box in his desk which is fortunately have his name marked on the top.
I run out immediately to hide before anyone can notice me and so I unconsciously run towards the usual spot where I hide but minutes later, my dumbness yet again lead me into my doom.
“Finally caught you.” Someone suddenly grabbed my shoulders and as I slowly turn my head, it was Arakata-sensei.
Just as I expected, he started lecturing me the whole time until the lunch break finally ended. In the end, I still didn’t get the chance to thank him or even apologize about everything but at least I got a little closer and so I started following him openly. My admiration towards him grows bigger and bigger as days goes by until one day, Arakata-sensei decided to confront me yet again.
I never expected that he will ask me to get in his car and so I nervously followed him but when I asked where we are going, he said that he didn’t actually know too. We ended up going to a riverside and I feel a little happy receiving a can of hot chocolate from him even though I am really not a fan of sweets.
“Odagiri-kun, let me get this straight and clear so I will ask you again the same question I asked you when I caught you that day.” He looked straight into my eyes and I can feel my face heating up. “Why are you following me?”
“Because I- I- owe you my life!” I am pretty sure that my face was already red.
“Your life? What do you mean by that? I can’t remember such thing happened.” He looks like he was really in confusion.
“Have you forgotten how you picked me up the streets when I collapsed during the entrance ceremony? I owe you that time.”
“No, you don’t have to feel obligated owing me about that kind of thing. It is my duty as a teacher to take care of my students so it is not a big deal.”
“But sensei you know, since that day, I started to idolize you.” Yes, I know. I am very much aware that what I am saying is so embarrassing and full of non sense.
“What? Do I look like some idol in stage?” Sensei as an idol? I stared at his face for a second and end up visualizing him as an idol, the shining type who energetically sings and dance on stage… HAHAHA NO. Not in a million chances that it will ever happen.
“No, what I mean is that you are so cool. You look so professional but still have the intimidating aura of a delinquent and I want to learn that by watching you closely.” I don’t even understand what I was saying anymore. But he really does look so cool with his jet black hair that is always on place and his sharp silver eyes that can make anyone nervous with just a short glance and his handsome face that always looks so serious with his usual frown that was almost known as his trademark.
“Hey, stop that delusion that I am a delinquent. I am just a normal literature teacher so stop imagining things.”
“But… what about the things that I heard about you?” What about the cool image of him fighting thugs on the streets? I actually got a dream about him beating up those guys who bullied me in the past.
“You know Odagiri-kun, you should not believe everything that you will hear from other people, because sometimes they are just a bunch of lies and exaggerated stories.”
“Then all of the stories I heard about you were all lies?” What I am really referring was those rumor about his him and his friend but I don’t have the guts to say it out loud.
“Well, not all are lies but just to clear things up, I am not a delinquent and I don’t like beating up people. I just happened to be involved in some fights when I was a student because I wanted to protect someone special to me.” He looks a little hesitant to open up but I am very happy that he is trying to explain his side.
“So it’s really true that you have beaten up some of your schoolmates? You are really cool sensei.”
“Hey stop with that stares. So what do you want to learn from me?”
“I want you to teach me how to fight!”
“What?! Are you kidding me? A problem child wants to learn how to fight? Then how the heck did you fight until now?”
“I never fight back.” I answered him quietly as I look down to the grass on my feet and started telling the story behind everything.
It started when I was first year in high school, I had my bestfriend Yuuji and we were always together and simply enjoying our time in that school. Yuuji was a very brave person, a guy who has a strong sense of justice and someone who will never hesitate to fight whenever he saw somebody bullying anyone in our school. As his name becomes a hot topic among the students and teachers, calling him as a hero of justice, other kids including those bullies whom he have beaten up became more aggressive and planned to ruin his reputation.
During one of our school festival, a rumor about Yuuji being gay started spreading among students. At first, Yuuji didn’t feel affected at all but as those bullies started provoking him into a fight and manipulating the reasons of the fight thereafter, the rumor turned into a more serious issue until Yuuji can no longer take it.
Maybe it was half my fault to because I was there by his side the whole time but I just choose to keep quiet. I only reacted when it was too late and it only made the situation worse. I lost my temper when people started treating him as if he was never been that so called Hero that they were all looking up to just a few days before those rumors started.
“How dare talk like that about Yuuji after all the things he has done just for a piece of shit like you?!” I shouted to the kid who used to bullied but eventually got saved by Yuuji before punching him hard in the face.
I was suspended for the whole week that time and during my absence, another rumor spread and Yuuji have endured it all alone. It was about a rumor about us being in a relationship with an edited photo of us. I was really not the type of person who will get easily affected by anything, especially if I know that it was not the truth and so I just ignored it. ‘It was all a childish accusations,’ that is what was in my mind the whole time but for Yuuji; it was something that pushed him to the limit of enduring everything.
He stopped going to school and even his parents have a hard time in dealing with him. I tried my best to keep a connection with him by visiting him every day and trying to comfort him but nothing worked out in the end. He eventually hated me and pushed me away.
“It was your entire fault! If only you didn’t do such things then maybe—maybe everything will still be under control!” he shouted to me as he kick me out of his house. I already knew that he was correct and he have all the right to blame me and yet, I cried the whole night as my feelings totally got wrecked by his words.
The following days, I decided to let him cool down for a bit and so I stopped visiting him and stopped flooding him with my messages. After almost a week of not being able to see his face, I gathered all my courage to visit him the next day without knowing that it would be too late…
The night before my visit, I received multiple messages from him after a very long time.
6:56 PM
‘Miyo I am very sorry for everything. I just wanted to take back all the hurtful words that I have said to you the other day. I am not really blaming you; it was never your fault. I understand that you are just trying to defend me and yet, look what I have done to you. I am very sorry. Please forgive me.’
6:59 PM
‘Thank you for being my best friend the whole time. I am really lucky to have a friend like you. Thank you for not leaving me and staying by my side the whole time even though things have gotten all out of hand. I hope that I will also get to meet you in my next life.’
7:02 PM
‘I know that this may surprise you and I don’t even know how you will feel after telling you this but Miyoshi, I really want to tell you that I love you. I am in love with you the whole time. I am sorry for staining our friendship with this selfish desire of mine. I am sorry for falling in love with you out of many other people around us. I am sorry for loving you until the end.’
After reading all the messages he have sent me, I felt that I needed to see Yuuji as soon as possible and so I rushed to go out and head straight into his house but as I approach their house, I saw a lot of people gathered around and an ambulance parked in front of their place.
I pushed myself in the crowd until I saw two people carrying a stretcher covered with a blood stained blanket. My ear started ringing as the scene slowly burned through my eyes. The parents of Yuuji were following the stretcher being carried out of their house while they cried and have a breakdown in front of the spectators.
The only thing I can hear that time was the siren of the ambulance and the voice of the doctor saying something to Yuuji’s parent.
“I’m very sorry but it is too late. Time of death, 7:07 PM due to extreme blood loss.”
It was just a 5 minutes difference…
He committed suicide right after sending those messages to me and if only I just run to him immediately at the moment I received his messages then maybe I can stop him from killing himself. I regretted everything and I knew that those regrets will follow me until the day that I die.
I didn’t showed up to Yuuji’s funeral and I just locked myself inside my room for more than a week until my parents forced me out and desperately asked me to go back to school. And so, even though I am full of hesitation and fear, I once again stepped into the school full of people who pushed Yuuji into his own death. A school full of murderers.
As I go back to our classroom for the first time for a very long time, I saw a vase of withered flowers on Yuuji’s desk that used to be full of written hateful marks and curses that were used to harass him. Everyone acted as if nothing ever happened including the teachers who always turned a blind eye in the midst of the chaos and the school administration that managed clean their own hands and erased all the evidence of mishandling the bullying issue among students. They all acted as if they have nothing to do with Yuuji’s death and they still had the audacity to laugh and make fun of the word ‘suicide’.
Anger, remorse and pure hatred towards everyone burst out into me when I saw Yuuji’s old tennis racket from the supply cabinet of our classroom and so my mind went blank. I can’t remember the whole thing but as calmed down a bit when a teacher pulled away the already deformed racket from my hands, and saw the bloody mess I made. Everyone was bleeding; some were crying in pain and some were just sitting down to the ground with faces full of shock while bleeding and others who were already unconscious.
I was immediately kicked out of that school and carried the label of a being a violent kid. I stop studying for a whole year and so I was held back for a year level. My parents managed to move into a different place and enrolled me into a new school but at the end of the day, what I did highly affected my reputation and caught up the attention of the delinquents in the school.
Maybe they were intrigued or maybe just threatened about my presence and so delinquents keep bugging me and asking for a fight. And of course, I was beaten up frequently. The unfortunate things kept happening to me until I end up transferring to a different school each school year until I finally transferred to Kogarashi High for my last year in high school.
…
I end up telling Arakata-sensei almost everything and it makes me feel happy to have someone who listened to me for the first time without being judged. It was as if half of the burden that I am carrying was lifted up with his mere presence beside me.
“Listen up Odagiri-kun; you don’t have to worry about being misjudged anymore. I will be always here to support and defend you when someone starts bullying you again.”
His words echoed through my mind and it makes my heart beat faster as he continue saying the words that I didn’t know that I am actually longing for the whole time.
“You don’t have to fight anymore. I will be the one who will fight for you when something came up again.” He patted my head and gently stroked my hair and that moment I saw Yuuji in him; the strong and heroic Yuuji that I used to know in the past.
Maybe the real reason why I was attached to Arakata-sensei from the very beginning was because he reminded me of my lost friend. With him beside me, I can almost feel the same sense of security and kindness coming from him.
As days go by, my school life became peaceful. I managed to get along with my classmates but I still feel distant but nevertheless, I am glad that I can finish Highschool with getting into anymore trouble.
I occasionally talk to Arakata-sensei whenever I got a chance and he became a regular customer of our cafe and so I got plenty of time to see him every day.
I thought that it was all a simple admiration towards him but one day, I realized that maybe I misunderstood my own feelings.
It was during one of my day working at the cafe when Arakata-sensei arrived and ordered his favorite cake. I was happy admiring him from a distance when I suddenly saw a familiar man walked inside and approached him. After staring at them together I figured out that it was his friend doctor who came to our school last time.
I just watched them until another guy arrived and joined them in their table. I don’t know if I was just curious or maybe it was the effect of constantly hearing my classmates talking about Boy’s Love that I started making an assumption while watching Arakata-sensei and his companions.
I already assumed that the doctor and the younger looking guy are in a relationship based on how they affectionately looked at each other. O the other hand, when I look at Arakata-sensei’s expression, I can’t help but think that maybe he secretly in love with that doctor.
As I continue observing them, my heart started aching every time I see Arakata-sensei stare at the doctor with an oblivious smile in his face that I have never seen before. Why do I feel hurt? I asked myself that time. Why do I feel sad looking at sensei’s face looking so in love with someone else?
And that was when I finally realized that it was jealousy that I am feeling for the first time in my whole life. I feel hurt because I wanted Arakata-sensei to fix those gaze upon me instead of someone else.
Seasons keeps changing but my hidden feelings for him keeps growing. I was afraid to step a little closer to him because I don’t want to take the risk of losing a person who cares for me as a student and so I choose to just simply stay with the distance he set for the two of us.
I always thought that Arakata-sensei was a very strong person who will never get emotional but as if the fate was tempting me, I have witnessed him having a breakdown after his friend told him something about dying. I hesitated to approach him at first but when he was left on the table all alone after a commotion, I grabbed all my courage to talk to him and did my best to comfort him. I didn’t ask for much information of what actually happened between them but I was sure that at those moments, Arakata-sensei was so damn hurt.
I did my best to make him calm down and lessen the pain just like what he did for me and so I even went too far just to invite him into an amusement park despite knowing that he might not actually enjoy it.
I was too excited that day and I felt so special every time I made Arakata-sensei smile even a little by doing silly jokes and letting him tease me. It was a perfect day, an almost ideal day for me to confess my feelings for him but something came up that made me hesitate and scared for a second.
It was when we both went into a souvenir shop to buy a shirt. I took more time to change and so when I got out of the changing room, sensei was nowhere to be found. I roam around the shop until I saw him facing backwards to me.
“Sensei?” I didn’t hesitate to call him out but as I walk closer I realized that he was talking with two familiar people.
“Did you come with that guy? Why did you never introduce him to me?” His friend asked as they all looked at me.
“Oh that, I am just accompanying him here today. He is just my student.” Sensei’s voice feels different as he spoke but he didn’t even hesitate to say the words ‘just my student’ that I never thought will stab me like knives.
“Ah, yes I am Odagiri Miyoshi, a third year student nice to meet you.” I tried to play it cool even though I am hurt because I don’t want to make things hard for sensei.
“I am Naoyuki, his best friend and this is Kazuya, my boyfriend.”Out of the blue, he straightforwardly introduced himself and his relationship to me even though I already predicted the possibility of them being together from the moment I saw them at the cafe.
“Nice to meet the two of you.” I replied without showing any shock in my face.
“We should get going soon, bye.” Even though Naoyuki-san looked like he was about to talk more, Arakata-san suddenly pulled me and ran away.
“Sensei where are we going?” I asked as he continued dragging me around the park.
“You want to ride the drop tower with me that badly right? I think this is the perfect time for us to ride it.” He stopped running and answered me while still gasping for air.
Why did you run? Are you still hurt every time you see him happy with somebody else?
I badly wanted to ask him those words but I was afraid that the pain will hit me back like a ball thrown back to my face and so I just remain silent.
As we ride the Drop Tower, all the anxiety about love that I have been suffering back then all fade out and was covered by thrill and adrenaline rush.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!” Our screamed sounded like a synchronized sound made by our souls being sucked away.
“Ahhhhhhhh!! Sensei!!” When I turn my face to look at him, I felt like I can at least try to let out my feelings while I was still full of adrenaline and so I called out to him.
Whattttttttt?!!!!” He answered me while screaming.
“I have something important to sayyyy!!” the ride slowed down for a while as we reached the bottom.
“What is it? Don’t tell me you are going to vomit here?!”
“No! That is not what I am going to say!”
“Then what??!” The ride climbed up again to the top and it was preparing to drop down again and so he sounded a little nervous. “Are you sure you are feeling okay?”
“I am fine. I just want to tell you that— Ahhhhhh!!!” I was about to say it when we suddenly dropped down.
“Ahhhhh!!”
“I think I have fallen in love with youuuuu!!!!” I shouted at the top of my lungs.
“What did you sayyyyy?! I didn’t hear it clearly! What has fallen?!!!” Unfortunately, my words didn’t manage to reach him for the first try and so I took a deep breath to try again but it was a grave mistake to do that because it only made the food in my stomach goes up into my throat.
“Sensei I lov—– blurrghhhhhhh.” It was so embarrassing. I just wanted to let myself make a free fall from the ride and let my face hit the ground after vomiting right in front of his chest.
I felt like my soul left me afterwards after humiliating myself and actually trying to confess with my pathetic state. I wanted to cry right at that very moment but I hold myself back because I didn’t want to humiliate myself more. All I wanted was to run back home but I got no more energy to spare.
“I think I should just carry you.” His words sent back my soul and I felt so shocked to the point that I wanted to run away.
I declined at first but he insisted and so I’ve got no choice but to let him carry me on his back. My heart beats uncontrollably and I swear that only deaf won’t hear it as I lean closer to him. I wonder if he can feel the beating of my heart as he carried me the whole time.
The atmosphere between us was still awkward when we got inside his car, I remained silent but I never expected that he will initiate a conversation first and even gave me a cute keychain. My heart started pounding hard the whole time until it was time to part ways and I cannot even control myself from kissing him in the forehead before running away.
When the school started again, I felt so shy looking at him after what I have done that night but fortunately, he stills acted as if nothing happened between us which made me feel a little relieved yet hurt at the same time.
He even made an effort to help me make a decision for my future career which I ended up going after the same university that he went. I set him as a motivation in whatever I was doing aside from secretly loving him from a distance.
I thought that I was able to keep everything as a secret at least until I can show him that I am not a useless brat anymore but when I came to visit him during his birthday, I end up voicing out all the questions and feelings inside my head.
I was a little drunk back then after drinking some of the alcohols I brought and so my thoughts got a little clouded as I saw Arakata-sensei making those strange expressions again whenever Naoyuki-san’s name came up. I knew that it was wrong for me to meddle with his feelings but in the end, I just throw all the sensitive things towards him until it all come flying back to me.
“And who do you think you are to tell me what I am feeling? Do you even understand what you are saying right now? Love? Cannot move on? Oh please stop spouting nonsense to me. I am not as naive and pathetic as you think I am. I am happy for him and I have no plans of ever dating him.” Arakata-sensei can no longer kept his cool after all the questions I kept throwing to him.
“But why? Why can I clearly see how frustrated you are now? Can’t you see how work up you are right now just because I ask about your feelings for Naoyuki-san?”
“And why do you even care? Who gave you the right to butt in with my personal life? You are just my student!” Again with those words, he unconsciously hurt me again.
“Yes, you are right; I am just your student. I am aware of that. I already know that you already draw a line between us the moment I realized that I am just one of your students and nothing more, hahaha.” My voice kept trembling as I tried to hold out my tears but it still fell down into my cheeks.
“Hey why are you crying this time?”
“Sensei, sometimes I really think that you are a real idiot. You are too slow when it comes to seeing other people’s feelings. Arakata-san I am in love with you!” I wiped my tears with using my sleeves and continued, “That time in the amusement park, do you remember the thing I wanted to say to you but it didn’t manage to reach you? The words I decided to keep that time because I think you are not still ready to hear it from me. Those words, just three words, all I wanted to say is that I LOVE YOU! Did you hear that clearly now?”
We just stay silent until he finally spoke again.
“Miyoshi, I’m sorry but-” I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to b rejected now! I shouted to myself.
“You don’t have to answer my confession. I am not expecting anything in return for that but please, just please, consider me feelings and don’t think it as a joke just because I am just your student. I won’t ever take back my words so always remember that there is an Odagiri Miyoshi who is in love with you no matter what!” I just left afterwards without looking back.
*End of Flashbacks*
DECEMBER 24
Winter season came in a flash and I can still manage to avoid him everywhere including the cafe but when the Christmas Day came, unexpected happening occurred.
Our class decided to hold out a Christmas party together at a Karaoke Bar and everyone was invited including our homeroom teacher Sakaguchi-sensei and the famous teacher Arakata-sensei.
Of course, I was excited to join the party because it has been so long since I get along with my classmates but I never thought that Arakata-sensei will actually show up during the actual day.
Everyone were having fun singing and playing while eating the snacks we bought and it was already in the middle of the party when Sakaguchi-sensei suddenly entered the place.
“Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you are having fun tonight, I came here to give you all a small present and just like I promised, I also invited Arakata-san.”
“Really? He will actually join us? Woahhh this is exciting!”Everyone becomes excited just by hearing his name despite the fact that he loves to **** us off with surprise exams whenever he likes it. I guess his appeal is too strong to be hated by students.
“Arakata-san come in, we should get this party started.” Sakaguchi-san pulled him inside before he can even change his mind.
“I can’t believe that I can get to see you today sensei.”
“You look so cool in casual clothes.” His fan girls started swarming around him.
“I just came here to make sure that you will not cause trouble to anyone especially to Sakaguchi-san because you are a bunch of troublemakers.”
“Eh, I thought that we can at least hear you sing a song.”
“Right. We want to hear you sing.”
“Sensei please sing a song for us!” The boys on the other hand started pressuring him to sing.
“No, I won’t do that.” He replied full of conviction.
“Then what if Sakaguchi-sensei sings for us? Will you go sing after her?”
“Huh? As if Sakaguchi-san will agree with that. Even if you make us drunk, I won’t ever sing in front of you.”
“Then make a bet with us. If Sakaguchi-san sings, then you have to sing too.”
“What kind of dumb bet is that? I will neve-“ he accidentally saw me from the corner as he looks around and I definitely can tell that I am making an expression that looks like I really wanted to hear him sing when he saw me. “Fine. But only if Sakaguchi-san sing a full song of an idol group while dancing.”
“What?! How can I-“ Sakaguchi-san started getting red as everyone’s attention was pointed into her.
“Sensei please?”
“You can do that sensei right?”
“I know that you can Sakaguchi-sensei.”
“We are willing to be your backup dancers!”
“We promise to behave until the end of school year.” Maybe these words turned the tables turn for Arakata-sensei because Sakaguchi-sensei suddenly becomes motivated.
“You promised that! You have to keep your words!” Sakaguchi-sensei stands up as if she was possessed as she grabbed the song book.
“Yes we promise!” Everyone answered in synchronized voice.
“Hey! Hey! Wait! Wait a minute! Sakaguchi-san what is wrong with you? Are you betraying me for these brats?”
“I’m sorry Arakata-san but their offer is too irresistible.” She answered with an intense look in her eyes.
“What the heck.”
“Fufufufu. Sensei, I think you should prepare now for your performance after Sakaguchi-san.”
“Ah damn it. You really are a bunch of brats.” He sits back to his seat and watch as my classmates swarm over Sakaguchi-sensei to help her search for a song to sing for us.
After a few more minutes, Sakaguchi-sensei finally stands up while holding the microphone and everyone’s attention all focused to her.
“Ha! You can still back out Sakaguchi-san!!! Please go back here.” Arakata-san seems so desperate to stop her but we all know that it was all too late.
“Ehhem…. Everyone please be quiet!” Our class representative shouted even though it was only Arakata-san who is being noisy so maybe he was just too shy to ask Arakata-sensei to shut up.
…
‘FUTARI SAISON by Keyakizaka46’ flashed into the screen as the music starts to play…
“~We are a season… We are a season… Falling in love in spring and summer… We are season… We separate in autumn and winter, the season we’ve spent together… You don’t regret them, do you?~”
Why do the lyrics makes my heart flutter and digging all my memories with Arakata-sensei? Everyone around me is all being hype by our teacher performing in front of us like an idol while dancing but here I am busy daydreaming about being in love.
“~My own world spread within an invisible barrier of a radius of 1 meter…But you took someone like me out, what made you do that?~ “
I turned my head towards Arakata-san for a moment and my heart almost stops when I saw him also looking back at me and so I immediately turn my head back. Why? Am I imagining things? I slowly look back again to see where Arakata-san is actually looking but… he is still looking at me.
“~Appearing before me… You are a season… You are a season… You light up my days … Falling in love in spring and summer… We are season… We are season… We separate in autumn and winter… The first time I felt my heart throb… Memories are a calendar… We are season… Haa~”
When the song was finally finished everyone stood up while cheering “Encore! Encore!” While I am the only one still on my seat left in awe after realizing that Arakata-san is looking at me the whole time.
“No, I only agreed to finish one song, and besides I am not the main event of this party. Now I present you Arakata-sensei!” Sakaguchi-sensei said as she passed down the microphone to Arakata-san who still looks unhappy after easily losing the bet.
“Sensei do you need help in choosing your song? Want us to pick one for you?”
“I want to hear him sing an idol song too.”
“No, I want to hear him a sweet love song, kyaaa.”
“Eh? But isn’t rock more suitable for him?”Everyone started arguing about the song but Arakata-san didn’t mind them because I think he already decided what to sing as soon as he steps in front.
“….” everyone turns silent without even making the slightest noise.
“tik… tik… tik…” that is the sound of him pressing the numbers for the code of the song and I can feel that everyone is trying to guess what type of song is he actually going to sing.
‘HEY by Paul Kim’ flashed into the screen as the music starts to play…
Eh? Seriously? A Korean song? Nobody expected that coming from him and so everyone’s face was full of shock as the music starts playing.
“~Hey, I know it’s late but I have something I have to tell you… If you’re still there, wanna hear me out for a moment?~”
Why does his voice sounds so perfect? And what’s wrong with the lyrics?
“~You knocked and knocked but why didn’t I know? You sat in front of my closed heart and you waited… I’m not okay at all right now. I’m afraid I’ll lose you…My eyes that looked at you, my lips that smiled when I thought of you. I was all love.~”
Why do you keep staring at me as you look at me with those eyes? Do you want me to fall for you even more?
“~You know, it seems so easy, but when I do it, it becomes a different story. I barely figured out my feelings and it’s still really hard for me… But I really wanna do it…date you… Actually, it really bothers me. Everything about you catches my eye.~”
My face already burning while listening to his voice as he continue singing such song as if he is trying to talk to me and I can no longer keep myself calm.
“~I’m curious. What do you think? Hurry and answer… What do you think? I’m confessing to you right now… I love you.~”
“Kyahhhhh!” I almost thought that my heart started screaming on its own but luckily it was my classmates who are screaming while all blushing to Arakata-sensei until the song finally ended.
“Ahhhhh! Sensei why didn’t you tell us that you have such a lovely voice?”
“Will you consider changing career? I will be the president of your fan club if you ever become a famous singer.”
I was too overwhelmed by him yet again and my heart keeps pounding hard and I believe that another glance from him will make my heart explodes and so I decided to sneak out and take a breath outside while nobody is looking.
*sigh*
The snow is still falling outside but I cannot even feel the cold because my body is feeling so hot because of Arakata-san with his voice that stills echo in my mind.
“Miyoshi! Miyoshi-kun!” and I think I am not hallucinating of his voice calling for me.
“Miyoshi-kun! Odagiri Miyoshi!” I turn around and got startled when I saw him for real standing in front of him while still out of breathe.
“Can we talk for a while? You keep avoiding me since that day so please listen to me now.” He started walking closer and I don’t even know what to do and so I just stood still like a pole.
“Miyoshi I will only say this once so listen up.”
Author’s Note:
(ノ゚0゚)ノ~
Hey guys, it’s been a while and I hope that you all are safe and healthy.
I recommend that you also listen to the song that the characters sing in this chapter by searching it up on YouTube to feel the cuteness of this chapter. (*ノ・ω・)ノ♫
This chapter is a little long because it is the first time for us to have Miyoshi’s side of the story and it serves as a little recap of the whole novel because it is already near the end..
Yes, Man of Probabilities is just a few more chapters ahead so please be prepared for the approaching climax of the story.
Please enjoy and stay tuned until the end…. (~‾▿‾)~
Ciao~
🌸🌻🍁❄️